When I lived in Northern Nevada the Mexican food was so bland. I asked one of the owners, and he said when he opened his restaurant, he made food just like home. The customers said it was too spicy to eat. So he cut the spices in half. The customers told him it was better but still too spicy. He said he cut the spices in half again. Then the customers said it was spicy, but they could manage to eat it. So that was why his food was not so spicy.
I had a similar experience in MN.
Was at a place with my brother in law, strip mall family kind of place.
When asked we mentioned that there didn't seem to be much spice
They mentioned they could make dishes spicier, but we're hesitant to do so.
We said please do.
They said - nope, we want to try enjoy your meal.
We'd enjoy it more with a bit of spice.
So on and so forth - they were really reluctant
We negotiated over spice levels and pretty much told them to go full throttle
They bring it a couple of items and I swear they expected us to die - probably in account of being near translucent. Had kitchen staff peeking through the door.
They definitely turned it up, but to a level that we maybe just above average or what would be normally typical for a dish.
We didn't die
I think they were disappointed