Well, I saw T3 last night and afterwards was bored so we snuck into this movie. I didn't particularly want to, but it was the only convenient time we could do it.
**************SPOILER********************
First of all, this is an absolutely terrible movie. Just horrible.
Let's start with the basics.
The script is the worst piece of crapola. The plot makes no sense whatsoever. The whole thing revolves around the stealing and recovery of two rings, that while worthless apart, together cna provide the information needed to locate every person ever put into the Witness Protection Program. At one point, Demi Moore says she wanted to "play God". Huh?
The acting was also woeful. I know a lot of people are big fans of Cameron Diaz, but I don't see it. She's easy on the eyes, no question, but she's like Heather Graham, she can't act for *****. Drew is a better actress, but they made her one minute a heavy metal groupie, the next, well... her character really has no personality. Even her backstory/subplot has absolutely no substance and is so cliched as to produce laughs when none were needed. And Lucy Liu, well, what can I say--she needs to do the quirky characters she's famous for (like, for future instance, the assassin in Kill Bill)--a little strange and really sexy. Here she does absolutely nothing except punch and kick and smile in the camera. Her "relationship" with Joey Tribiani--oh, wait, Jason whats-his-name wasn't even close to believable, and who in their right mind would believe that John Cleese is her father? Talk about a joke falling flat and an excuse to put Cleese in the film...
There were 2 good things about the actors:
1) Bernie Mac--he was funny in the 20 minutes of screen time he had, but again, a lot of his character was cliched--it was Bill Murray with a ghetto sensibility. His first appearance was funny as he was getting used to the gizmos and gadgets that go along with the job.
2) Demi Moore--her acting was abyssmal, but damn, she sure looks good, even at age 40.
To tell you how good the stunts were, let me just say this: Hong Kong action directors would be horrified. A lot of wire work, but where Hong Kong Wire Fu has a sort of midair ballet to it, this had a "Wayne's World 2 fight with Tia Carrera's father" feel to it. Jerky and unrealistic, it just comes across as cheesy and fake. Now, I'm sure proponents of this schlock will say that it is supposed to be cheesy, but this is no B-movie folks--this is meant to be an all-out Hollywood commercial action fest. And it fails miserably.
The music was as commercial as it gets. The director, McG, must have directed some Prodigy music videos, because I counted at least 3 Prodigy songs on the soundtrack. Everything else, from the regular music cues to the other songs, were well-known and used many times before. The composer should never work again--there is not one piece of original composition in the film.
And finally, is there anything more pretentious than a director who calls himself McG? Sure, it works for Madonna and Cher, but these are superstars who started in the 80s and the 60s/70s. McG isn't even a performer. How the hell can anyone call the guy McG on the set? It just sounds... wierd.
As for a rating, gotta go with my new patented "Armageddon System". Ratings go from 1 to 4:
4) Would watch the film over Armageddon any day
3) Could watch the final act of Armageddon instead, but only barely
2) Could watch the whole film of Armageddon instead, but minus the Ben Affleck/Liv Tyler romance
1) Would rather watch the entire film of Armageddon, along deleted scenes and commentary (translation: the reviewed film sucks)
Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle
2
