DeAnna
Just A Face in The Crowd
Someone posted this on the Buc's msg board and I thought it was pretty funny!
Dexter Jackson: (RING) "Hey Simeon? It's me, Dexter."
Simeon Rice: "What up, Dog?"
DJ: "Not much big man. I just wanted to ask you a professional question."
SR: "Sure thing, you know us defense peoples have to stick together."
DJ: "Heh heh. Yeah. Hey, didn't you play in Arizona?"
SR: "I wouldn't say 'play' but I was on the Cardinals for a little while. Yeah."
DJ: "Ah ha... and?"
SR: "Well it's freakin' hot for one. And don't give me this 'dry heat' crap. Hot is hot. Its a freakin' steambath down there. You know that the temperatures get to be like 120 degrees? That's sick. I think I had like 4 coaches there too, which I don't get. The Bidwill's pinch a penny so hard that the head and the tail end up on the same side. No one can run that nut house down there. Plus, the offense blows monkey. That Plummer idiot would throw picks on his own 20 and the D would have to go out and protect 1/4 of the field. Screw that. I think we grazed the playoffs one time and it took 6 miracles of nature for us to backdoor in. Why are you asking me about Arizona?"
DJ: "Well, they are gonna pay me a lot of money if I play there."
SR: "You can't be serious."
DJ: "No really. Something like $14 million."
SR: "But Arizona sucks. Didn't you just hear me?"
DJ: "Yeah yeah, I heard you. You see, for me, it's not about winning titles. I need to make as much money as possible while I am playing football so that after I get run out of the league after playing in a defense that isn't suited for me, I can enjoy a good three to four year coke bender where I'll end up selling pot in Tiajuanna out of the back of my Escalade."
SR: "So you want to end up like Bam Morris?"
DJ: "That guy's great. You see him on TV all the time in that fly polyester shirt. He's the mack."
SR: "Dexter, that's his prison fatigues. He's in jail."
DJ: "That **** is tight man."
SR: "Whatever Dex. Here... talk to Warren."
DJ: "Warren's there?"
SR: "Yeah, here...."
Warren Sapp: "I just heard you're gonna sign with Arizona? What the hell?"
DJ: "Well it's a lot of jack."
WS: "And you'll end up with jack playing for them. Don't you want to try and get another ring?"
DJ: "Well that's the problem. This ONE ring I have is so heavy, I can't pick up my damn arm. I'm walking around like a gimp."
WS: "How much are they paying you?"
DJ: "$14 mill."
WS: " They must have cut the rest of the team to pay your ********. If I had that money I'd be able to pay for my illegitimate kids. Didn't you tell them you're a system player?"
DJ: "Huh?"
WS: "You're a system player. You're surrounded by 5 Pro Bowlers who all do too much. **** Dexter, you could have sat Indian style in the middle of the field and it wouldn't have mattered."
DJ: "I was Super Bowl MVP."
WS: "So was Larry Brown and he's selling Nissans in Laguna Beach."
DJ: "I'm better than Larry Brown ever was."
WS: "Oh c'mon, Dexter. The only reason why you got MVP is because Madden voted in the third quarter."
DJ: "Well I need the money because I have this entourage now."
WS: "What?"
DJ: "An entourage. I've got 15 black people following me around all talking on cell phones. They have no real purpose. Half of them I don't even know. But I have to pay them so I continue to look important."
WS: "Where did you learn this?"
DJ: "I saw that P.Diddy guy on the E! Hollywood Story. He had an entourage."
WS: "I think you're crazy for leaving a Super Bowl team for one that can't find it's ass with a flashlight."
DJ: "Well when you're a money chasing Uncle Tom like me, you chase the paycheck. I'm basically just a mercenary and my services go to the highest bidder."
WS: "But your services suck! You had ONE GOOD GAME!"
DJ: "Nevertheless..."
SR: "Gimmie the phone Warren."
WS: "No.... get away..... " (ruffle ruffle) "You talk like a ******...." (ruffle)
DJ: "Guys? Hello?"
SR: "Let go! OW! My hair!"
WS: "Yeah, take that...."
SR: "Man, you fight dirty... you little prick."
WS: "I do not. That hit on Chad Clifton was clean. He said so himself."
SR: "Hey ********. Chad Clifton can't remember how many balls he has after that hit."
WS: "Oh, you're so tough, put a jersey on!"
SR: "I'm on your team, cornholio."
WS: "Oh. I forgot."
SR: "Well when they cut your geriatric ass next year, then maybe we'll see."
WS: "We both play defense, so we won't face each other."
SR: "Oh. I forgot."
DJ: "Hello? What are you two idiots doing?"
SR: "Idiot? Who's the one signing with Arizona?!?"
DJ: "Jerk."
SR: "Mercenary."
Keyshawn Johnson: "Flashlight."
WS: "HANG UP THE EXTENSION KEY!!!"
KJ: "Sorry."
SR: "He does have a point."
DJ: "Good bye guys."
SR: "Bye. Have fun in the heat, ya dork."
WS: "Bye, Dex."
KJ: "Flashlight!"
SR: "HANG UP!"
Dexter Jackson: (RING) "Hey Simeon? It's me, Dexter."
Simeon Rice: "What up, Dog?"
DJ: "Not much big man. I just wanted to ask you a professional question."
SR: "Sure thing, you know us defense peoples have to stick together."
DJ: "Heh heh. Yeah. Hey, didn't you play in Arizona?"
SR: "I wouldn't say 'play' but I was on the Cardinals for a little while. Yeah."
DJ: "Ah ha... and?"
SR: "Well it's freakin' hot for one. And don't give me this 'dry heat' crap. Hot is hot. Its a freakin' steambath down there. You know that the temperatures get to be like 120 degrees? That's sick. I think I had like 4 coaches there too, which I don't get. The Bidwill's pinch a penny so hard that the head and the tail end up on the same side. No one can run that nut house down there. Plus, the offense blows monkey. That Plummer idiot would throw picks on his own 20 and the D would have to go out and protect 1/4 of the field. Screw that. I think we grazed the playoffs one time and it took 6 miracles of nature for us to backdoor in. Why are you asking me about Arizona?"
DJ: "Well, they are gonna pay me a lot of money if I play there."
SR: "You can't be serious."
DJ: "No really. Something like $14 million."
SR: "But Arizona sucks. Didn't you just hear me?"
DJ: "Yeah yeah, I heard you. You see, for me, it's not about winning titles. I need to make as much money as possible while I am playing football so that after I get run out of the league after playing in a defense that isn't suited for me, I can enjoy a good three to four year coke bender where I'll end up selling pot in Tiajuanna out of the back of my Escalade."
SR: "So you want to end up like Bam Morris?"
DJ: "That guy's great. You see him on TV all the time in that fly polyester shirt. He's the mack."
SR: "Dexter, that's his prison fatigues. He's in jail."
DJ: "That **** is tight man."
SR: "Whatever Dex. Here... talk to Warren."
DJ: "Warren's there?"
SR: "Yeah, here...."
Warren Sapp: "I just heard you're gonna sign with Arizona? What the hell?"
DJ: "Well it's a lot of jack."
WS: "And you'll end up with jack playing for them. Don't you want to try and get another ring?"
DJ: "Well that's the problem. This ONE ring I have is so heavy, I can't pick up my damn arm. I'm walking around like a gimp."
WS: "How much are they paying you?"
DJ: "$14 mill."
WS: " They must have cut the rest of the team to pay your ********. If I had that money I'd be able to pay for my illegitimate kids. Didn't you tell them you're a system player?"
DJ: "Huh?"
WS: "You're a system player. You're surrounded by 5 Pro Bowlers who all do too much. **** Dexter, you could have sat Indian style in the middle of the field and it wouldn't have mattered."
DJ: "I was Super Bowl MVP."
WS: "So was Larry Brown and he's selling Nissans in Laguna Beach."
DJ: "I'm better than Larry Brown ever was."
WS: "Oh c'mon, Dexter. The only reason why you got MVP is because Madden voted in the third quarter."
DJ: "Well I need the money because I have this entourage now."
WS: "What?"
DJ: "An entourage. I've got 15 black people following me around all talking on cell phones. They have no real purpose. Half of them I don't even know. But I have to pay them so I continue to look important."
WS: "Where did you learn this?"
DJ: "I saw that P.Diddy guy on the E! Hollywood Story. He had an entourage."
WS: "I think you're crazy for leaving a Super Bowl team for one that can't find it's ass with a flashlight."
DJ: "Well when you're a money chasing Uncle Tom like me, you chase the paycheck. I'm basically just a mercenary and my services go to the highest bidder."
WS: "But your services suck! You had ONE GOOD GAME!"
DJ: "Nevertheless..."
SR: "Gimmie the phone Warren."
WS: "No.... get away..... " (ruffle ruffle) "You talk like a ******...." (ruffle)
DJ: "Guys? Hello?"
SR: "Let go! OW! My hair!"
WS: "Yeah, take that...."
SR: "Man, you fight dirty... you little prick."
WS: "I do not. That hit on Chad Clifton was clean. He said so himself."
SR: "Hey ********. Chad Clifton can't remember how many balls he has after that hit."
WS: "Oh, you're so tough, put a jersey on!"
SR: "I'm on your team, cornholio."
WS: "Oh. I forgot."
SR: "Well when they cut your geriatric ass next year, then maybe we'll see."
WS: "We both play defense, so we won't face each other."
SR: "Oh. I forgot."
DJ: "Hello? What are you two idiots doing?"
SR: "Idiot? Who's the one signing with Arizona?!?"
DJ: "Jerk."
SR: "Mercenary."
Keyshawn Johnson: "Flashlight."
WS: "HANG UP THE EXTENSION KEY!!!"
KJ: "Sorry."
SR: "He does have a point."
DJ: "Good bye guys."
SR: "Bye. Have fun in the heat, ya dork."
WS: "Bye, Dex."
KJ: "Flashlight!"
SR: "HANG UP!"
