Updated: Dec. 27, 2005, 5:35 PM ET
For every good gift, there's a lump of Kwame
By John Hollinger
Christmas may celebrate the season of giving, but the days immediately following are most definitely the season of returning. Millions of us will spend this week contemplating the bizarre gift choices of others, and how to turn those unusual items into something a bit more useful. We just hope Aunt Polly included a gift receipt along with those polyester lederhosen she sent us.
At this time of year, NBA general managers go through a similar process. They've seen their offseason acquisitions perform for nearly two months now, and in many cases they're pretty disappointed with the results. Unfortunately, the league's other 29 teams have a very strict "no returns" policy.
Eliot J. Schechter/Getty Images
L.A. isn't happy with the Wiz's gift of Kwame.
So while you can at least get store credit for the Air Supply boxed set some well-meaning nitwit left under the tree for you, the Lakers will have no such luck with Kwame Brown. Instead, their only recourse is to resell such defective merchandise, often at a steep discount from what they paid in the first place.
But what if NBA teams could return items? Here's a few of this summer's acquisitions that would be back in the store in a heartbeat:
Kwame Brown
Brown's resume from the past few weeks includes heartwarming items like, "had five-point no-show in triumphant return to D.C.," "blew Christmas day layup that short-circuited upset bid," "given decidedly unmasculine nickname by coaching staff," and "lost starting job to Brian Cook."
Averaging 5.8 points on 43.0 percent shooting isn't what L.A. had in mind when it made that sign-and-trade for him in the offseason, especially since Caron Butler is pumping in 15 a night in the nation's capital. For the moment, the Lakers are bending over backward to be patient with him (well, except for that whole "meow" thing), and Brown still has a year and a half left on his deal to prove he can be a quality power forward in L.A. After that, we don't know what his future holds, but based on his mind-numblingly bad 7.86 PER, I'm guessing words like "10-day" and "Yakima" will be a big part of it.
Marvin Williams
That whimpering sound you keep hearing is coming from Hawks general manager Billy Knight every time he sees a wire story that begins, "Chris Paul scored 22 points and handed out 11 assists as the upstart New Orleans Hornets pulled off another upset … " Knight had a chance to take Paul with the second overall pick, and his team could really use the help at the point, but instead Knight succumbed to the potential offered by Williams.
Thus far, very little of that "potential" has been converted into "actual." While we shouldn't overreact to a 19-year-old's first two months of pro action, Williams' modest rebounding numbers and inability to create his own shot have sent up red flags. Knight still stands behind his pick publicly, but if he could do it again you can rest assured he'd take Paul.
D. Lippitt/Einstein/NBAE/Getty Images
Tyson Chandler's big contract has been quite a reach thus far.
Tyson Chandler and Samuel Dalembert
Do you realize these two will make over $120 million in the next six years? That's about $10 million per point. OK, I'm slightly exaggerating, but it's safe to say neither player has done much to justify the investment so far. Dalembert continues to frustrate Philly fans with his pattern of blocking three shots per game while goaltending seven, though he's at least stepped it up on the glass this year. Chandler, meanwhile, has been plagued by fatigue through most of the early season and has failed to provide the defensive boost that was so instrumental in last season's success. Both are young and talented enough that they could eventually justify the investment, but each has been enough of a tease to make his team second-guess the decision.
Mike Dunleavy
At the time, the Warriors' preseason decision to give Dunleavy a five-year, $45 million extension seemed questionable. It now seems positively idiotic. Dunleavy is like that Christmas toy that you can't quite figure out what you're supposed to do with. He's an alleged outside shooter who is hitting 25 percent from 3-point range. He's a 6-foot-9 forward who is being outrebounded by both of his team's guards. He can't defend or create shots, and his slump shows no sign of abating -- until Monday he was working on a streak of six straight games with 11 points or less.
Jeff McInnis
If you sign a player renowned for whining about minutes and not playing any defense, should you really be surprised if he whines about minutes and doesn't play any defense? New Jersey's had several offseason doozies (I hear post-Christmas bargain hunters can get great deals on Antoine Wright jerseys) but none bigger than this one, which cost the Nets nearly half their midlevel exception.
The Knicks
No, I don't mean certain Knicks. I mean the Knicks -- coaches, front office, trainers, peanut vendors, you name it. Everybody except Channing Frye.
Has there ever been a team in any sport that spent more to accomplish less? The 'Bockers are paying $119 million in payroll -- easily the most of any club and more than double the salary cap -- yet there's a very real possibility they could end up with the worst record in the league. That money figure, mind you, would be substantially higher if Allan Houston and Jerome Williams hadn't come off the books this summer.
Wait, there's more. New York is paying $9 million a year to its coach, more than all but one team pays, as well as paying its league-high six assistants. Finally, the Knicks are handing out paychecks to Isiah Thomas and Scott Layden (yes, still). And for all that dough, they're 7-19, half a game behind the mighty Atlanta Hawks. Oh, and they already traded their next two first-round picks. Besides the draft, find one personnel move this team made in the past five years that worked. I dare you.
Rafer Alston
Think the Rockets wouldn't mind undoing this trade? Of all the many maladies to hit Houston this year -- T-Mac's back, Yao's toe, Jon Barry's calf, Stromile Swift's brain -- perhaps the most damaging was the self-inflicted wound created by the trade of Mike James for Alston. It didn't help any when Alston joined his Houston brethren in the trainer's room with a stress fracture, but even prior to that injury this trade was a dud. Alston looked miscast as a catch-and-shoot guy in Houston's structured offense, while James' scoring has been one of the few bright spots north of the border. The slumping, punchless Rockets wouldn't be nearly so moribund had they kept an energizer such as James in tow.
For every good gift, there's a lump of Kwame
By John Hollinger
Christmas may celebrate the season of giving, but the days immediately following are most definitely the season of returning. Millions of us will spend this week contemplating the bizarre gift choices of others, and how to turn those unusual items into something a bit more useful. We just hope Aunt Polly included a gift receipt along with those polyester lederhosen she sent us.
At this time of year, NBA general managers go through a similar process. They've seen their offseason acquisitions perform for nearly two months now, and in many cases they're pretty disappointed with the results. Unfortunately, the league's other 29 teams have a very strict "no returns" policy.
You must be registered for see images
Eliot J. Schechter/Getty Images
L.A. isn't happy with the Wiz's gift of Kwame.
So while you can at least get store credit for the Air Supply boxed set some well-meaning nitwit left under the tree for you, the Lakers will have no such luck with Kwame Brown. Instead, their only recourse is to resell such defective merchandise, often at a steep discount from what they paid in the first place.
But what if NBA teams could return items? Here's a few of this summer's acquisitions that would be back in the store in a heartbeat:
Kwame Brown
Brown's resume from the past few weeks includes heartwarming items like, "had five-point no-show in triumphant return to D.C.," "blew Christmas day layup that short-circuited upset bid," "given decidedly unmasculine nickname by coaching staff," and "lost starting job to Brian Cook."
Averaging 5.8 points on 43.0 percent shooting isn't what L.A. had in mind when it made that sign-and-trade for him in the offseason, especially since Caron Butler is pumping in 15 a night in the nation's capital. For the moment, the Lakers are bending over backward to be patient with him (well, except for that whole "meow" thing), and Brown still has a year and a half left on his deal to prove he can be a quality power forward in L.A. After that, we don't know what his future holds, but based on his mind-numblingly bad 7.86 PER, I'm guessing words like "10-day" and "Yakima" will be a big part of it.
Marvin Williams
That whimpering sound you keep hearing is coming from Hawks general manager Billy Knight every time he sees a wire story that begins, "Chris Paul scored 22 points and handed out 11 assists as the upstart New Orleans Hornets pulled off another upset … " Knight had a chance to take Paul with the second overall pick, and his team could really use the help at the point, but instead Knight succumbed to the potential offered by Williams.
Thus far, very little of that "potential" has been converted into "actual." While we shouldn't overreact to a 19-year-old's first two months of pro action, Williams' modest rebounding numbers and inability to create his own shot have sent up red flags. Knight still stands behind his pick publicly, but if he could do it again you can rest assured he'd take Paul.
You must be registered for see images
D. Lippitt/Einstein/NBAE/Getty Images
Tyson Chandler's big contract has been quite a reach thus far.
Tyson Chandler and Samuel Dalembert
Do you realize these two will make over $120 million in the next six years? That's about $10 million per point. OK, I'm slightly exaggerating, but it's safe to say neither player has done much to justify the investment so far. Dalembert continues to frustrate Philly fans with his pattern of blocking three shots per game while goaltending seven, though he's at least stepped it up on the glass this year. Chandler, meanwhile, has been plagued by fatigue through most of the early season and has failed to provide the defensive boost that was so instrumental in last season's success. Both are young and talented enough that they could eventually justify the investment, but each has been enough of a tease to make his team second-guess the decision.
Mike Dunleavy
At the time, the Warriors' preseason decision to give Dunleavy a five-year, $45 million extension seemed questionable. It now seems positively idiotic. Dunleavy is like that Christmas toy that you can't quite figure out what you're supposed to do with. He's an alleged outside shooter who is hitting 25 percent from 3-point range. He's a 6-foot-9 forward who is being outrebounded by both of his team's guards. He can't defend or create shots, and his slump shows no sign of abating -- until Monday he was working on a streak of six straight games with 11 points or less.
Jeff McInnis
If you sign a player renowned for whining about minutes and not playing any defense, should you really be surprised if he whines about minutes and doesn't play any defense? New Jersey's had several offseason doozies (I hear post-Christmas bargain hunters can get great deals on Antoine Wright jerseys) but none bigger than this one, which cost the Nets nearly half their midlevel exception.
The Knicks
No, I don't mean certain Knicks. I mean the Knicks -- coaches, front office, trainers, peanut vendors, you name it. Everybody except Channing Frye.
Has there ever been a team in any sport that spent more to accomplish less? The 'Bockers are paying $119 million in payroll -- easily the most of any club and more than double the salary cap -- yet there's a very real possibility they could end up with the worst record in the league. That money figure, mind you, would be substantially higher if Allan Houston and Jerome Williams hadn't come off the books this summer.
Wait, there's more. New York is paying $9 million a year to its coach, more than all but one team pays, as well as paying its league-high six assistants. Finally, the Knicks are handing out paychecks to Isiah Thomas and Scott Layden (yes, still). And for all that dough, they're 7-19, half a game behind the mighty Atlanta Hawks. Oh, and they already traded their next two first-round picks. Besides the draft, find one personnel move this team made in the past five years that worked. I dare you.
Rafer Alston
Think the Rockets wouldn't mind undoing this trade? Of all the many maladies to hit Houston this year -- T-Mac's back, Yao's toe, Jon Barry's calf, Stromile Swift's brain -- perhaps the most damaging was the self-inflicted wound created by the trade of Mike James for Alston. It didn't help any when Alston joined his Houston brethren in the trainer's room with a stress fracture, but even prior to that injury this trade was a dud. Alston looked miscast as a catch-and-shoot guy in Houston's structured offense, while James' scoring has been one of the few bright spots north of the border. The slumping, punchless Rockets wouldn't be nearly so moribund had they kept an energizer such as James in tow.
