on a lighter note...

[pinnacle]

sicne there is no cardinals news and everyone is glued to CNN..thought I would provide some minor entertainment in the form of a joke..

"you know the world has gone mad when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, france is accusing the U.S. of arrogance and Germany doesn't want to go to war".

 

[az643dp]

Isn't it funny that our country is run by an irritated Bush, Dick, and Colin?

 

[40yearfan]

Oldie but goody:

This guy's in the rear of a full elevator and he shouts,
"Ballroom please."
A lady standing in front of him turns around and says, "I'm
sorry, I didn't realize I was crowding you."

 

[Ryanwb]

A foursome of male golfers are waiting at the first tee.

A foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee.

The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball, she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it and hacks it another 10 feet.

She looks up at the men, who are watching, and says apologetically:

"I guess all those f*cking lessons I took this winter didn't help".

One of the men immediately replies, "Now, you see, that's your problem. You should have taken golf lessons instead".

 

[Ryanwb]

A newly married man was discussing his honeymoon. He says to his buddy at lunch, "Last night, I rolled over, tapped my beautiful young wife on the shoulder, gave her a wink, and we had ourselves a performance! Later that night, about 2 o'clock, I rolled over, gave my sweetie a nudge, and we had ourselves another performance. Well, being so newly married and not yet tired of the task, I waited quietly in bed while my beauty slept until I couldn't wait any longer. It was 4 o'clock when I gave her a little nudge. She opened her blue eyes and smiled sweetly. We immediately had ourselves a rehearsal."
"A rehearsal?" his buddy asks, "Don't you mean a performance?"

"No, because a rehearsal is when nobody comes."

 

[Ryanwb]

A woman and man get into a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt.
After they crawl out of the wreckage, the woman says, "Wow, look at our cars - there's nothing left! Thank God we are all right. This must be a sign from Him that we should be friends and not try to pin the blame on each other."

The man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely."

The woman points to a bottle on the ground and says, "And here's another miracle. Somehow this bottle of Scotch from my back seat didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this Scotch and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, and chugs about a third of the bottle to calm his nerves. He then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

 

[Ryanwb]

There was this American tourist in Mexico, and he was getting tired of walking around, so he went up to a donkey rental place and said, ''Can I rent a donkey?'

The guy said, "We don't call them donkeys here, we call them asses. This is the only ass I have left, and you have to scratch him when you want to make him stop."

The guy rides his ass for a while, sees a hotdog stand, and asks for a hotdog. The vendor replies, "We don't call them hotdogs here we call the wieners."

Meanwhile his donkey is wandering away, so he goes up to another tourist and says "Will you hold my wiener whille I scratch my ass?"