BACH
Superbowl, Homeboy!
We received an e-mail on Tuesday congratulating us for not ranking the New York Giants below No. 12 on our Preseason Power Rankings. We wonder what the guy will have to say about the No. 11 team on our list.
The New York Giants.
We're not sure what to make of this team, frankly. It's like an ensemble cast of a bad sitcom. There's the cranky old man in coach Tom Coughlin. There's the brash young redneck in Jeremy Shockey. There's the backward young redneck in Eli Manning.
There's the misunderstood hoodlum in Plaxico Burress. And the kid with the Webster/Gary Coleman factor in Sinorice Moss.
Plus, there's the big imposing guy who's either secretly gay, a sister-in-law-peeping perv, or maybe both.
So can these diverse personalities come together? Yeah, until a really important game comes along, when they'll fracture or splinter in some critical way, just like they did for a home-field playoff loss to the Panthers, in which the Giants scored a grand total of, well, no points.
Remember that one? Plaxico quit on the team, and then running back Tiki Barber publicly dissed the coaching staff.
Perhaps the lack of bonding has its roots in the offseason, when Shockey, Burress, and Moss acted as if the term "voluntary" when used in the context of "workout" really means "voluntary." FOX analyst Troy Aikman hit the nail on the noggin several weeks back when he said that the lack of reps with quarterback Eli Manning will ****** his development. (The use of "Eli Manning" and "******" in the same sentence is purely coincidental, and not intended to be any type of implicit comparison between Eli and, say, Forrest Gump.)
Speaking of Eli, something ain't right there, in our opinion. Former Colts kicker Mike Vanderjagt once complained that Eli's brother, Peyton, is too laid back. But Eli makes Peyton look like Rip Taylor.
We're not saying that Eli should be grabbing facemasks or kicking his teammates square in the ass, but something like, you know, a pulse would be nice.
Newcomers this year include linebacker LaVar Arrington, cornerback Sam Madison, cornerback R.W. McQuarters, and safety Will Demps. Gone are cornerback William Peterson, defensive tackle Kendrick Clancy, safety Brent Alexander, and linebacker Barrett Green.
The big questions for the coming season are whether Eli Manning can continue to develop, whether Tiki Barber can still grind out the yards despite being on the wrong side of 30, and whether Arrington can become dominant working behind Strahan and Osi Umenyiora.
And whether they can all work together when the chips are down.
Our guess? They'll get back to the playoffs, but that's all the farther they'll get.
Now for the fantasy grades.
Quarterback: Eli has a long way to go before he'll be matching his brother's numbers. Someone in every league will take him higher than he should be drafted. Don't be that guy. Or gal. Eli is still a C student.
Running back: Tiki Barber had a great year in 2005, with more than 1,800 yards and nine touchdowns. And he caught 50-plus passes for another 500-plus yards. Though we're getting concerned about his age, he's still an A- as fantasy backs go.
Wide receiver: Despite his turdish tendencies, Plaxico Burress put up solid stats in his first year with the Giants. But so did T.O. in season one with the Eagles. We're not predicting a full-blown meltdown for Plaxico, but there's still a bad taste in plenty of mouths regarding his behavior during and after the 23-0 loss to the Panthers in January. He gets a B-.
Tight end: Jeremy Shockey is one of the top tight ends in the game. As we've said plenty of times before, however, we'd take a solid third receiver over most tight ends. As tight ends go, though, Shockey is a B+.
Defense: Despite all of those great defenses from Giants teams past, this unit is so-so, at best. The addition of Arrington and Madison will help, but they'll miss Clancy more than they'll ever admit.
Kicker: Jay Feely was the leading scorer among kickers in 2005. How does he not get an A?
The New York Giants.
We're not sure what to make of this team, frankly. It's like an ensemble cast of a bad sitcom. There's the cranky old man in coach Tom Coughlin. There's the brash young redneck in Jeremy Shockey. There's the backward young redneck in Eli Manning.
There's the misunderstood hoodlum in Plaxico Burress. And the kid with the Webster/Gary Coleman factor in Sinorice Moss.
Plus, there's the big imposing guy who's either secretly gay, a sister-in-law-peeping perv, or maybe both.
So can these diverse personalities come together? Yeah, until a really important game comes along, when they'll fracture or splinter in some critical way, just like they did for a home-field playoff loss to the Panthers, in which the Giants scored a grand total of, well, no points.
Remember that one? Plaxico quit on the team, and then running back Tiki Barber publicly dissed the coaching staff.
Perhaps the lack of bonding has its roots in the offseason, when Shockey, Burress, and Moss acted as if the term "voluntary" when used in the context of "workout" really means "voluntary." FOX analyst Troy Aikman hit the nail on the noggin several weeks back when he said that the lack of reps with quarterback Eli Manning will ****** his development. (The use of "Eli Manning" and "******" in the same sentence is purely coincidental, and not intended to be any type of implicit comparison between Eli and, say, Forrest Gump.)
Speaking of Eli, something ain't right there, in our opinion. Former Colts kicker Mike Vanderjagt once complained that Eli's brother, Peyton, is too laid back. But Eli makes Peyton look like Rip Taylor.
We're not saying that Eli should be grabbing facemasks or kicking his teammates square in the ass, but something like, you know, a pulse would be nice.
Newcomers this year include linebacker LaVar Arrington, cornerback Sam Madison, cornerback R.W. McQuarters, and safety Will Demps. Gone are cornerback William Peterson, defensive tackle Kendrick Clancy, safety Brent Alexander, and linebacker Barrett Green.
The big questions for the coming season are whether Eli Manning can continue to develop, whether Tiki Barber can still grind out the yards despite being on the wrong side of 30, and whether Arrington can become dominant working behind Strahan and Osi Umenyiora.
And whether they can all work together when the chips are down.
Our guess? They'll get back to the playoffs, but that's all the farther they'll get.
Now for the fantasy grades.
Quarterback: Eli has a long way to go before he'll be matching his brother's numbers. Someone in every league will take him higher than he should be drafted. Don't be that guy. Or gal. Eli is still a C student.
Running back: Tiki Barber had a great year in 2005, with more than 1,800 yards and nine touchdowns. And he caught 50-plus passes for another 500-plus yards. Though we're getting concerned about his age, he's still an A- as fantasy backs go.
Wide receiver: Despite his turdish tendencies, Plaxico Burress put up solid stats in his first year with the Giants. But so did T.O. in season one with the Eagles. We're not predicting a full-blown meltdown for Plaxico, but there's still a bad taste in plenty of mouths regarding his behavior during and after the 23-0 loss to the Panthers in January. He gets a B-.
Tight end: Jeremy Shockey is one of the top tight ends in the game. As we've said plenty of times before, however, we'd take a solid third receiver over most tight ends. As tight ends go, though, Shockey is a B+.
Defense: Despite all of those great defenses from Giants teams past, this unit is so-so, at best. The addition of Arrington and Madison will help, but they'll miss Clancy more than they'll ever admit.
Kicker: Jay Feely was the leading scorer among kickers in 2005. How does he not get an A?
