Cardinals.Ken
That's Mr. Riff-Raff to you!
China blasts US over mullet epidemic
By John L. Dongerman
BEIJING - As the world heaps criticism on China for its lack of aggressiveness and transparency in dealing with its outbreak of severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS), many Chinese officials have expressed anger and concern over another outbreak that has swept through China and perhaps elsewhere in Asia.
Addressing a gathering of journalists in Beijing on Friday, Wu Yi, deputy prime minister and new health minister, demanded that the United States be more proactive in dealing with the all-American "squirrel pelt" hairdo, also known as the "mullet". The growing popularity of the mullet, which is characterized by short hair on the top and sides of the head and a long drape of hair at the back, poses a grave threat to China's sovereignty, said Wu. Despite recent offers from President Bush for US assistance in dealing with its domestic SARS epidemic, Wu blasted US leaders and the foreign press for applying a double standard in dealing with international health issues.
"Those hypocritical bastards say we didn't do enough in February to contain the spread of SARS, but they've let those 'ape drapes' get out of hand domestically for years, and now China's paying the price for it," she said. "If they had just put [Hollywood actor] Kevin Bacon under quarantine back in the '80s, this would not be an issue today." Bacon, star of numerous popular films in the 1980s, is widely acknowledged as a "super-spreader" of the mullet.
Known in China as the ayishushu or "uncle auntie" haircut, the mullet is raging unabated throughout the country, whose beauty parlors and barber shops are often ill-equipped to cope with the abomination. Wu said 578 mullet cases had been diagnosed in Beijing alone, with cases increasing 36 percent from March to April. It is feared that rural areas in the world's most populous country could be severely affected by the spread of the mullet, but no statistics have been provided by the Health Ministry. The ministry has been forced to implement extreme measures to contain the hairdo, placing victims under quarantine, subjecting them to summary shaves and forcing them to compose letters of self-criticism. Wu flatly denied claims made in a May 23 Washington Post story that the ministry had been secretly selling the harvested mullets to buyers in an unspecified US state. "That's absolutely absurd," said the livid Wu, "I don't even know where Indiana is."
Officials quietly pulled popular television broadcasts of professional wrestling and said mandatory "hairstyle declarations" would be in place at all international airports in the country by May 15.
On Thursday, Premier Wen Jiabao called an emergency meeting of the State Council, China's cabinet, to discuss administrative measures in dealing with the crisis. The council outlined a four-point strategy for mullet eradication and rubber-stamped an official slogan to mobilize the masses behind the campaign. Bright-red banners were visible in parks and on public buildings throughout the country, eclipsing the ubiquitous light-blue SARS posters. English banners have appeared, in an apparent attempt to warn China's growing foreign population against attacks on China's coiffure sovereignty. One such banner declared: "Up with China, down with hicks, Mao and mullets do not mix!"
Wen will also travel to Bangkok next week for strategic discussions with Thai Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra. The recently announced meeting comes in the wake of a mullet sighting outside an A&W Root Beer stand in downtown Bangkok's Siam Square, which has prompted fears that the outbreak has grown into a regional issue. Unverified reports of mullet sightings have also come from Japan and the Philippines. Although Chinese Health Ministry officials have yet to determine the origin of the outbreak, some health professionals have noted the wide availability of the mulleted American country singer Billy Ray Cyrus's albums on China's black market.
Newly appointed Chinese President Hu Jintao, in the western municipality of Chongqing to attend a state-sponsored monster-truck rally, said he officially shared Health Minister Wu's position on the crisis. However, Hu, sporting a bold new haircut, was also quoted as saying he thought Wu should "chill out just a little bit, especially with the Kevin Bacon stuff".
"I mean, I'm not a big fan of the 'Kentucky waterfall' [another name for the mullet] either, but there are definitely times when you just gotta cut footloose," he said before taking another swig off of a Pabst Blue Ribbon beer
By John L. Dongerman
BEIJING - As the world heaps criticism on China for its lack of aggressiveness and transparency in dealing with its outbreak of severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS), many Chinese officials have expressed anger and concern over another outbreak that has swept through China and perhaps elsewhere in Asia.
Addressing a gathering of journalists in Beijing on Friday, Wu Yi, deputy prime minister and new health minister, demanded that the United States be more proactive in dealing with the all-American "squirrel pelt" hairdo, also known as the "mullet". The growing popularity of the mullet, which is characterized by short hair on the top and sides of the head and a long drape of hair at the back, poses a grave threat to China's sovereignty, said Wu. Despite recent offers from President Bush for US assistance in dealing with its domestic SARS epidemic, Wu blasted US leaders and the foreign press for applying a double standard in dealing with international health issues.
"Those hypocritical bastards say we didn't do enough in February to contain the spread of SARS, but they've let those 'ape drapes' get out of hand domestically for years, and now China's paying the price for it," she said. "If they had just put [Hollywood actor] Kevin Bacon under quarantine back in the '80s, this would not be an issue today." Bacon, star of numerous popular films in the 1980s, is widely acknowledged as a "super-spreader" of the mullet.
Known in China as the ayishushu or "uncle auntie" haircut, the mullet is raging unabated throughout the country, whose beauty parlors and barber shops are often ill-equipped to cope with the abomination. Wu said 578 mullet cases had been diagnosed in Beijing alone, with cases increasing 36 percent from March to April. It is feared that rural areas in the world's most populous country could be severely affected by the spread of the mullet, but no statistics have been provided by the Health Ministry. The ministry has been forced to implement extreme measures to contain the hairdo, placing victims under quarantine, subjecting them to summary shaves and forcing them to compose letters of self-criticism. Wu flatly denied claims made in a May 23 Washington Post story that the ministry had been secretly selling the harvested mullets to buyers in an unspecified US state. "That's absolutely absurd," said the livid Wu, "I don't even know where Indiana is."
Officials quietly pulled popular television broadcasts of professional wrestling and said mandatory "hairstyle declarations" would be in place at all international airports in the country by May 15.
On Thursday, Premier Wen Jiabao called an emergency meeting of the State Council, China's cabinet, to discuss administrative measures in dealing with the crisis. The council outlined a four-point strategy for mullet eradication and rubber-stamped an official slogan to mobilize the masses behind the campaign. Bright-red banners were visible in parks and on public buildings throughout the country, eclipsing the ubiquitous light-blue SARS posters. English banners have appeared, in an apparent attempt to warn China's growing foreign population against attacks on China's coiffure sovereignty. One such banner declared: "Up with China, down with hicks, Mao and mullets do not mix!"
Wen will also travel to Bangkok next week for strategic discussions with Thai Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra. The recently announced meeting comes in the wake of a mullet sighting outside an A&W Root Beer stand in downtown Bangkok's Siam Square, which has prompted fears that the outbreak has grown into a regional issue. Unverified reports of mullet sightings have also come from Japan and the Philippines. Although Chinese Health Ministry officials have yet to determine the origin of the outbreak, some health professionals have noted the wide availability of the mulleted American country singer Billy Ray Cyrus's albums on China's black market.
Newly appointed Chinese President Hu Jintao, in the western municipality of Chongqing to attend a state-sponsored monster-truck rally, said he officially shared Health Minister Wu's position on the crisis. However, Hu, sporting a bold new haircut, was also quoted as saying he thought Wu should "chill out just a little bit, especially with the Kevin Bacon stuff".
"I mean, I'm not a big fan of the 'Kentucky waterfall' [another name for the mullet] either, but there are definitely times when you just gotta cut footloose," he said before taking another swig off of a Pabst Blue Ribbon beer
