Last Saturday was just another gorgeous day in Southern California, one of those afternoons when you feel guilty if you aren't doing something -- heading to the beach, taking a hike, playing some hoops, lounging by the pool, whatever. Of course, I stayed indoors for my first glimpse of our Olympic hoops team. I needed to know: Is there any reason to be excited about this team? Would LeBron thrive with quality teammates? Would Duncan try to sneak out like DC Dacey in "Fast Break" when he realized that Kidd, KG and T-Mac weren't playing? Would these guys provide my much-needed basketball fix over the summer, or would I have to rely on re-runs of 20-year-old games on ESPN Classic again?
It will be interesting to see how LeBron James handles the Olympic experience.
Well, they won by 25. Crushed Puerto Rico. Dismantled them. A few hours after the game, my buddy House called for a scouting report. Again, we won by 25. The outcome was never in doubt, especially once you saw Jose Ortiz's slicked-back 'do, which made him look like he should be singing at 3 a.m. in a Univision telethon.
"So what happened?" House asked.
"We can't win," I told him. I felt like I was standing atop a stairwell screaming at Rocky Balboa.
"Wait, I thought we killed 'em?"
"We did. We can't win. We're not going to medal."
And so I told him what I watched. How we didn't learn the lessons from the World Championship Debacle two years ago. How we basically threw together another All-Star Team. How we ignored the three essentials for any successful international team ...
1. A pure point guard who can penetrate, create shots for teammates, make open threes and make good decisions in the open floor.
2. At least two pure shooters, ideally three.
3. Big guys who can bang down low, set picks, shoot threes and run the floor.
... and trotted out 12 recognizable names, just so we could sell some jerseys and T-shirts.
"Jesus," House said. "How come we know these things and the guys who run USA Basketball have no idea?"
"I don't know."
"This isn't the Dream Team, it's the Nightmare Team."
...
HIS TEAM: To recap: Duncan, Odom, Redd, Hamilton, Wade (starters); Iverson, Prince, Miller, LeBron, Stoudemire (bench guys); Cardinal, Hoiberg (energy guys).
Now that's a team. Repeat: Team. There's a difference. Some day, we might even figure this out.
