this is a funny one from thebrushback.com back in may hopefully no one has posted this if someone has sorry again
INDIANAPOLIS --Reggie Miller of the Indiana Pacers announced his retirement recently. After a stellar 18-year career, the only thing he regrets is not winning an NBA championship. However, Miller is not alone. According to a study published in Newsweek magazine, the vast majority of Americans retire without ever winning an NBA championship.
“We hear so often about athletes who retire without winning championship rings,” said Dan Mankil, Newsweek editor. “People like Karl Malone, Dan Marino, and Reggie Miller are looked upon as tragic figures for their lack of championship rings. But according to our study, most Americans are in the same boat. A staggering 99.998 percent of retirees have never won an NBA championship, or any other championship. In short, we’re a nation of losers.”
Last year alone, over 3 million Americas retired and not one of them had ever won an NBA championship. Only one of them, NFL player Emmitt Smith, had won a title of any kind.
“This is a very telling statistic,” said Mankil. “We as a nation are largely unfulfilled in our quest to experience the glory of hoisting the NBA trophy over our heads on national television. Does that mean our careers fell short? Yes and no. Yes, because obviously the ultimate goal of every American is to win the NBA championship and no, because most of us aren’t NBA players anyway. So someone like Reggie Miller can take solace in the fact that he is not alone. The world is full of pathetic chokers just like them.”
When notified of the study, Miller did feel a little better about his career.
“I guess that does put it in perspective,” he said. “I mean, it stings a little knowing that I went 18 years without reaching the top of the mountain, but I know that many people suffer the same fate as me. For instance my mailman, Sal, retired last year and come to think of it, I don’t think he ever won an NBA championship. Also my dad, who worked in a paper factory, retired with no title either. Actually he did have a title. It was Assistant Supervisor of Paper Processing. Yea, that’s why I never brought him to career day.”
According to Mankil, not only do most Americans retire without winning a championship, most Americans retire without ever experiencing the thrill of playing professional sports for money. Some even retire poor and penniless. Still, nothing can compare to the ache of reaching the conference finals and falling short.
“There are many people who experience hardships in their lives,” said Mankil. “Some might say that there are worse things that not winning that ring. Some might say that we waste too much sympathy on professional athletes and we lose perspective on the true meaning of suffering. But I disagree with that. There’s nothing worse than having a hall of fame career that ends in frustration. There’s nothing worse than having your legacy be that you couldn’t win the big one. It’s a tragedy of epic proportions. Reggie, Karl Malone, Patrick Ewing, John Stockton, Allen Iverson—my heart bleeds for these guys. Yea, I know, Allen Iverson is still playing, but I think we all know how that’s gonna end.”
Mankil wondered why Miller did not attempt to sign with a championship-caliber team at the end of his career in order to give himself a chance to win it all. Karl Malone did just that when he left the Jazz and signed with the Lakers in an effort to latch onto a team that seemed predestined to take home the trophy. However, Miller was happy to stay home and retire with the Pacers, completing an 18-year career with the same team.
“Winning it all was a huge priority for me, but in the end I felt that I owed it to the Pacers organization to stay around,” said Miller. “I respect Karl for what he did. But for me, loyalty was a little more important than that. Plus they worship me around here. Why would I want to leave a place where they treat me like Jesus Christ himself? See, Karl should’ve just stayed on with the Jazz and then just blamed his supporting cast for not winning it all, like I’m about to do. My supporting cast sucked. Jermaine O’Neal single handedly prevented me from winning a championship. There. See how easy that is?”
INDIANAPOLIS --Reggie Miller of the Indiana Pacers announced his retirement recently. After a stellar 18-year career, the only thing he regrets is not winning an NBA championship. However, Miller is not alone. According to a study published in Newsweek magazine, the vast majority of Americans retire without ever winning an NBA championship.
“We hear so often about athletes who retire without winning championship rings,” said Dan Mankil, Newsweek editor. “People like Karl Malone, Dan Marino, and Reggie Miller are looked upon as tragic figures for their lack of championship rings. But according to our study, most Americans are in the same boat. A staggering 99.998 percent of retirees have never won an NBA championship, or any other championship. In short, we’re a nation of losers.”
Last year alone, over 3 million Americas retired and not one of them had ever won an NBA championship. Only one of them, NFL player Emmitt Smith, had won a title of any kind.
“This is a very telling statistic,” said Mankil. “We as a nation are largely unfulfilled in our quest to experience the glory of hoisting the NBA trophy over our heads on national television. Does that mean our careers fell short? Yes and no. Yes, because obviously the ultimate goal of every American is to win the NBA championship and no, because most of us aren’t NBA players anyway. So someone like Reggie Miller can take solace in the fact that he is not alone. The world is full of pathetic chokers just like them.”
When notified of the study, Miller did feel a little better about his career.
“I guess that does put it in perspective,” he said. “I mean, it stings a little knowing that I went 18 years without reaching the top of the mountain, but I know that many people suffer the same fate as me. For instance my mailman, Sal, retired last year and come to think of it, I don’t think he ever won an NBA championship. Also my dad, who worked in a paper factory, retired with no title either. Actually he did have a title. It was Assistant Supervisor of Paper Processing. Yea, that’s why I never brought him to career day.”
According to Mankil, not only do most Americans retire without winning a championship, most Americans retire without ever experiencing the thrill of playing professional sports for money. Some even retire poor and penniless. Still, nothing can compare to the ache of reaching the conference finals and falling short.
“There are many people who experience hardships in their lives,” said Mankil. “Some might say that there are worse things that not winning that ring. Some might say that we waste too much sympathy on professional athletes and we lose perspective on the true meaning of suffering. But I disagree with that. There’s nothing worse than having a hall of fame career that ends in frustration. There’s nothing worse than having your legacy be that you couldn’t win the big one. It’s a tragedy of epic proportions. Reggie, Karl Malone, Patrick Ewing, John Stockton, Allen Iverson—my heart bleeds for these guys. Yea, I know, Allen Iverson is still playing, but I think we all know how that’s gonna end.”
Mankil wondered why Miller did not attempt to sign with a championship-caliber team at the end of his career in order to give himself a chance to win it all. Karl Malone did just that when he left the Jazz and signed with the Lakers in an effort to latch onto a team that seemed predestined to take home the trophy. However, Miller was happy to stay home and retire with the Pacers, completing an 18-year career with the same team.
“Winning it all was a huge priority for me, but in the end I felt that I owed it to the Pacers organization to stay around,” said Miller. “I respect Karl for what he did. But for me, loyalty was a little more important than that. Plus they worship me around here. Why would I want to leave a place where they treat me like Jesus Christ himself? See, Karl should’ve just stayed on with the Jazz and then just blamed his supporting cast for not winning it all, like I’m about to do. My supporting cast sucked. Jermaine O’Neal single handedly prevented me from winning a championship. There. See how easy that is?”
