crisper57
Open the Roof!
'Twas the week before Christmas, when all through the state
The Red Sea was stirring, we could all hardly wait;
Sunday Night Football’s bus had arrived in Glendale,
As had the Seahawks, and their defense from Hell;
The players are well rested from a mini-bye week;
But we face a tough team on a giant win streak;
Nine-point underdogs, the Vegas odds did read,
And Chris Simms says a loss is already guaranteed.
Never mind that the hosts are undefeated at home,
The 12th Man expects to take over our dome.
ESPN already anointed the Hags the number one seed,
While the Cards are predicted to dance with Drew Brees.
These insults have been added to more injuries too,
As Ellington was sent to IR, along with his boot.
And with Lindley now under center, who would disagree,
That the Cardinals would have to rely on their incredible D?
But under the leadership of Bidwill and Keim,
These were not the Cards that pinched pennies and dimes.
They built a roster with names seemingly pulled from a cup,
And the Coach urged them on with a call for “Next Man Up”:
"Now, Carson! Or, Drew! Crap, Ryan and Logan!
On, Andre! On, Stephan! Or, Marion, no Kerwynn!
From the top of the depth chart, the names started to fall,
And the practice squad ranks were given the ball!"
This is what December football is really about,
A battle of attrition, where healthy teams win out;
And as Seattle rounds back into Super Bowl form,
Many Cardinals are stuck “Physically Unable to Perform”.
But hope is not lost, this team still has some juice,
So long as they follow the Head Coach named Bruce.
He is a funny guy, so full of bluster and smack.
“Game management?” he asked, “Hell no, we attack!”
He dresses in a kangol, and black-rimmed frames,
He holds court at the presser before each of his games;
The rest of his crimson apparel is approved by Nike,
And for that I am sure he got his overpriced pullover for free.
His eyes—how they twinkle! his dimples, how merry!
His cheeks are like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth spews curses with ease,
So much so that his message gets lost between bleeps;
If I recall correctly, Canadian whiskey was his drink of choice,
Don’t ask me to repeat it, I’m saving my voice;
For the Nest will be rocking when Bruce and his crew,
Punch the Hawks in the mouth and the blood starts to spew.
The Defense, we know, is the key to this game;
Even though it lacks a legitimate Pro Bowler name.
Calais should get the nod, I think most would agree,
He’s the one NFL Network thinks is Karlos Dansby.
Now it’s almost Sunday, the time for talking is done,
The winner of this game is the NFC’s number one.
I am sure that we will get a hell of a game,
But after this season, the fifth seed would be a shame.
With Arians at the helm, this team can surprise,
In a game that will command the attention of America’s eyes.
And I heard him exclaim, as his team prepared to take flight—
“Underdogs again? Let’s give those bastards a fight!”
The Red Sea was stirring, we could all hardly wait;
Sunday Night Football’s bus had arrived in Glendale,
As had the Seahawks, and their defense from Hell;
The players are well rested from a mini-bye week;
But we face a tough team on a giant win streak;
Nine-point underdogs, the Vegas odds did read,
And Chris Simms says a loss is already guaranteed.
Never mind that the hosts are undefeated at home,
The 12th Man expects to take over our dome.
ESPN already anointed the Hags the number one seed,
While the Cards are predicted to dance with Drew Brees.
These insults have been added to more injuries too,
As Ellington was sent to IR, along with his boot.
And with Lindley now under center, who would disagree,
That the Cardinals would have to rely on their incredible D?
But under the leadership of Bidwill and Keim,
These were not the Cards that pinched pennies and dimes.
They built a roster with names seemingly pulled from a cup,
And the Coach urged them on with a call for “Next Man Up”:
"Now, Carson! Or, Drew! Crap, Ryan and Logan!
On, Andre! On, Stephan! Or, Marion, no Kerwynn!
From the top of the depth chart, the names started to fall,
And the practice squad ranks were given the ball!"
This is what December football is really about,
A battle of attrition, where healthy teams win out;
And as Seattle rounds back into Super Bowl form,
Many Cardinals are stuck “Physically Unable to Perform”.
But hope is not lost, this team still has some juice,
So long as they follow the Head Coach named Bruce.
He is a funny guy, so full of bluster and smack.
“Game management?” he asked, “Hell no, we attack!”
He dresses in a kangol, and black-rimmed frames,
He holds court at the presser before each of his games;
The rest of his crimson apparel is approved by Nike,
And for that I am sure he got his overpriced pullover for free.
His eyes—how they twinkle! his dimples, how merry!
His cheeks are like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth spews curses with ease,
So much so that his message gets lost between bleeps;
If I recall correctly, Canadian whiskey was his drink of choice,
Don’t ask me to repeat it, I’m saving my voice;
For the Nest will be rocking when Bruce and his crew,
Punch the Hawks in the mouth and the blood starts to spew.
The Defense, we know, is the key to this game;
Even though it lacks a legitimate Pro Bowler name.
Calais should get the nod, I think most would agree,
He’s the one NFL Network thinks is Karlos Dansby.
Now it’s almost Sunday, the time for talking is done,
The winner of this game is the NFC’s number one.
I am sure that we will get a hell of a game,
But after this season, the fifth seed would be a shame.
With Arians at the helm, this team can surprise,
In a game that will command the attention of America’s eyes.
And I heard him exclaim, as his team prepared to take flight—
“Underdogs again? Let’s give those bastards a fight!”
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