What if every NFL team drafted based solely on the prospect's name? We mock it.

[ASFN Admin]

You may think every angle has been covered ahead of this year's draft. But you'd be wrong. There is one question left unanswered -- what if team's drafted players based solely on their name?

I got you covered. Welcome to the 2025 All Name mock draft. It's sure to be as accurate as any mock draft out there.

1. Tennessee Titans	Jaxson Dart, QB, Ole Miss	The Titans need a QB. And if the name were a criteria (and it damn well should be) Dart is the easy pick.
2. Cleveland Browns	Grey Zabel, OL, North Dakota St	From the minds that brought you Red Sonja, Black Panther, and Blue Beetle comes...
3. New York Giants	Tonka Hemingway, DT, South Carolina	When he's not plugging running lanes, he's writing sweeping novels about his mastery of the sandbox.
4. New England Patriots	Upton Stout, CB, Western Kentucky	You wanna go to the pub for a pint, this is your bloke. New England meet Old England.
5. Jacksonville Jaguars	Jihaad Campbell, LB, Alabama	Known for unleashing righteous fury on opposing offenses.
6. Las Vegas Raiders	John Williams, OT, Cincinnati	Dark Side. Death Star. Imperial March. Need I say more?
7. New York Jets	Lathan Ransom, S, Ohio St	He kicks ass and takes prisoners.
8. Carolina Panthers	Jake Briningstool, TE, Clemson	I don't want to imagine the kind of toughness that comes with growing up with a name like that.
9. New Orleans Saints	Maxen Hook, S, Toledo	Instant team captain.
10. Chicago Bears	Aireontae Ersery, OT, Minnesota	He bought a lot of vowels. Now he wants payback. And he's coming for u.
11. San Francisco 49ers	Luther Burden III, WR, Missouri	Don't let the monacle and the cain fool you. This guy will dust you.
12. Dallas Cowboys	Princely Umanmielen. ED, Ole Miss	His edge rush will force any QB to take a knee.
13. Miami Dolphins	Oronde Gadsden II, TE, Syracuse	A literal generational talent.
14. Indianapolis Colts	Zeek Biggers, DT, Geogia Tech	Set the combine record on the plow.
15. Atlanta Falcons	Smael Mondon Jr, LB, Georgia	He's happy to be staying at home. And the Falcons are happy have him.
16. Arizona Cardinals	Kain Medrano, LB, UCLA	His suplex into four figure leg lock is banned in 14 states. But not Arizona.
17. Cincinnati Bengals	Will Howard, QB, Ohio State	Our nation's 27th president returns from his trip up north in Columbus to his birthplace in Cincinnati.
18. Seattle Seahawks	Miles Frazier, G, LSU	Belongs in Seattle. Exists almost solely on a diet of tossed salad and scrambled eggs.
19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers	Nick Nash, WR, San Jose St	This is the toughest case yet for Detective Nick Nash. But nothing he can't handle.
20. Denver Broncos	Yahya Black, DT, Iowa	What are the divine secrets to his inside rush? No one knows.
21. Pittsburgh Steelers	Jack Nelson, OT, Wisconsin	Half Nelson? Yawn. Full Nelson? Child's play. You don't know Jack.
22. Los Angeles Chargers	Cobee Bryant, CB, Kansas	This guy knows about winning championships in LA.
23. Green Bay Packers	Hunter Wohler, S, Wisconsin	No way Wisconsin is letting this guy out of their state.
24. Minnesota Vikings	Gunnar Helm, TE, Texas	A Viking from birth.
25. Houston Texans	O'Donnell Fortune, CB, South Carolina	Last name for a first name and one tough cookie.
26. Los Angeles Rams	Jackson Slater, C, Sacramento St	Jackie Slater is back with the LA Rams.
27. Baltimore Ravens	Chris Paul Jr, LB, Ole Miss	Running the point in the middle of the defense.
28. Detroit Lions	Bhayshul Tuten, RB, Virginia Tech	A real sleeper pick.
29. Washington Commanders	Jordan James, RB, Oregon	After missing out on Cobee Bryant and Chris Paul, they try and hedge their bets with Jordan and James
30. Buffalo Bills	Billy Bowman Jr., S, Oklahoma	Billy Bowman was born to be a Buffalo Bill.
31. Kansas City Chiefs	Azareye'h Thomas, CB, Florida St	When he and Gargamel get together, no smurf is safe.
32. Philadelphia Eagles	Isaac TeSlaa, WR, Arkansas	Was considered a top ten pick a few months ago. But his stock has been tanking of late.

This article originally appeared on Raiders Wire: NFL Mock Draft 2025: Teams select players based on name only

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