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Research reveals that Seattle receives an average annual rainfall of approximately 36 inches. Which begs the question: where does Seattle get enough water to avoid drought conditions when local residents down an average of 36 square feet of coffee per day?!
“They’ve got coffee shops on every corner, even across from each other,” observes Cards LB Eric Johnson.
In fact, Seattle is so saturated (with coffee), that upon arrival on the Qwest Field sidelines, Wide Right vows to promptly check the Seahawks’ Gatorade buckets for French Roast. (Editor’s Note: After the Rams came to AZ with shoulder pads featuring built-in air cold air vents, you never can be too careful.)
Considering that Starbucks just announced a stock split, Wide Right decided to jump the bean, err, bandwagon and conduct its first annual “Coffee Combine.” At stake, whether NFL players can maintain their reputations as certified tough guys, while sipping a designer cup of java?
“Without a doubt, every day all the way,” says Obafemi Ayanbadejo, as if he just finished a honkin’ huge cup of his beloved brew – a Triple Venti Mocha, No Whip. On Thursdays, Femi says he has one at 5:05a.m prior to lifting weights, before adding: “I did say ‘no whip’, right?”
For Calvin Pace, the “usual” is a Triple Grande White Chocolate Mocha, Extra Mocha. Maybe Wide Right should’ve mentioned that when your coffee order is more complex than a Clancy Pendergast defensive scheme, it might be time to adjust to a “base brew.”
As for special teams assassin Eric Johnson, his favorite is a Vanilla Mocha. Although, when Johnson adds that, on occasion, he also enjoys an Apple Cinnamon Cider, Wide Right is about to conduct a background check before remembering that Johnson is a former Ultimate Fighter.
QB Kurt Warner and DL Russell Davis both say they don’t drink coffee, but that they’re regular customers with a favorite order, just the same. Huh? See, they’re married to devout coffee drinkers. Enough said.
One player you will not see in line to pay more for a cup of coffee than a gallon of gas, is former Seattle resident Chike Okeafor. What percentage of Seattle residents do not drink coffee, asks Wide Right.
“.01 percent. Me! I was the only one who didn’t drink coffee,” says Okeafor. “I don’t need artificial stimulants. Caffeine is a drug – write that.”
Don’t tell us. Tell former Cardinal Pro Bowler and current Cards Analyst Ron Wolfley, notorious for literally downing up to 18 cups of coffee before kickoff. No wonder Wolf’ ran like a madman, busting through and blowing up wedges on kickoff coverage. He must’ve been trying to reach the restroom.
Q-TIP of the Week:
When the mainstream media can’t get the story, it’s time to turn to Anquan “All Access” Boldin. This week, Cards LB Orlando Huff has refused comment on his Seattle homecoming. Somebody cue Q, who chased down Huff in the Cards cold tub as part of his weekly Q-Tip segment on Maximum Cardinals. With Huff stuck in the tub, Boldin made maybe his best catch all week:
Q: “What are your thoughts on going back to Seattle and squaring it off with those guys?”
Huff: I was declining all interviews because I wanted to try to treat those guys like any other game, but since you’re Anquan Boldin, I’ll give you that privilege.
“It’ll be nice going back to the place where I started, getting some paybacks and revenge. It’s always that way. It’s not personal, but it’s always fun to lay some hats on people you played with.”
Catch the rest of the Q-Tip Q&A on Maximum Cardinals, seen each week on AZTV, Friday's at 10 p.m. or Saturdays on FSN Arizona at 8 a.m. or ABC 15 at 11:30 p.m.
And, not to be left out, Boldin and his band of cameramen cornered former Seahawk Chike Okeafor in the Cards locker room. Asked whether Chike had circled the Seahawks game on his calendar, Okeafor says he’s all about equal opportunity: “I don’t have anybody circled. I like to hit everybody.”
Rooke Rack(ers) ‘Em Up: In the name of full disclosure, Wide Right must share that, as an alumnus of Cal, we were most certainly basking in the nuclear afterglow of Stanford’s Holy Cannoli meltdown loss to UC Davis. Then, we stumbled upon the sight of JJ Arrington’s old Cal jersey hanging proudly above the locker of Illinois alum Neil Rackers. After briefly stopping and saluting, Wide Right pursued the story further, finding Arrington more than happy to discuss his winning wager with Rackers based on Cal’s win over Illinois.
No cash involved here, just school pride. Hence, Arrington rejoiced when the Golden Bears administered a Berkeley Beatdown.
“He was supposed to wear it, but I could see that he was miserable. So, since I’m a rookie, I said ‘just hang it for the week.”
(PS. Did Wide Right mention that Stanford lost to UC Davis?)
Dead Pan Alley: So, as long as we’re inside the Cardinals locker room, what’s it like to be a reporter in pursuit of a hot story? Well, as they used to say on those football commercials, you make the call.
Wide Right was working all angles of a story chronicling the comeback of Marcel Shipp, when Josh McCown agreed to an interview on the topic of his teammate.
Wide Right: “Let me ask you about Marcel’s nickname, Tug Boat. If you want someone who works hard all the time, is Tug Boat fitting in some ways based on his work ethic?
Josh “Dry Humor” McCown: “I think it derived because his last name is Shipp.” (McCown then looked up with a wry smile, as if to say – anything else?)
Sigh. If only these QB’s would lob a nice spiral into the hands of reporters, like they set up their receivers!
Dennis Green Show Shout Out: a caller to Coach Green’s Monday radio show (4-5pm, ESPN 860) wanted Coach Green’s take on the state of the Big Red O-Line. And we quote:
“It wasn’t that long ago, when I came here in 2004, I looked at the 2003 film and I saw… 5 games where the team lost by more than 35 points. I made up my mind that if there was one group that had to be revamped, it was the offensive line that, at the time, was the highest paid group of five in the National Football League and we went about revamping it. If there is anyone to blame for the offensive line, it is me. Because I’m the one that felt it had to be revamped. I’m the one that’s gone about revamping it. And I’m the one that’s determined to make it work.”
“Wired” Word of the Week: More ‘Must See (& Hear) TV’ from Maximum Cardinals, where the popular “Wired” segment takes the term “live mic” to a new level. Throughout this season, various Cardinals will wear microphones during games. Wide Right got a glimpse of this week’s segment from the Rams game and especially enjoyed Russell Davis teaming up with Robert Griffith on a 1-2 punch to Rams WR Torry Holt.
First, Griffith put the mondo hit on Holt. Then, a few series later, Davis let loose with a verbal haymaker, barking at Holt:
“You took that hit, you ain’t been the same,” observed Davis. “You see it coming now and you duck.”
Seattle’s Best: Finally, if you’re looking for a key to Sunday’s game against the Seahawks, keep your eye on the left side of the Seahawks offensive line.
As Pro Bowler Bertrand Berry explained on his Big Red Rage show at Jilly’s American Grill (54th Street, South of Ray – Thursdays, 6-7pm):
“This is the best side of an offensive line that I’ve seen in a long time,” said Berry, referring to Pro Bowlers Walter Jones and Steve Hutchinson. “Together they make a very lethal side of the line, and it’s no secret that Shawn (Alexander) really likes that side of the ball…if I was a running back I’d want to run behind those guys myself.”
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