1. Customer: "Do you know where 1640 Riverside..."
Employee: "Are you gonna order something, kid?"
Customer: "Uh, yeah. Gimme, gimme a Tab."
Employee: "Tab? I can't give you a tab unless you order something."
Customer: "Alright, gimme a Pepsi Free."
Employee: "You want a Pepsi, pal, you're gonna pay for it."
Customer: "Well, just give me something without sugar in it, okay?"
Employee: "Something without sugar..."
Back To The Future
2. Employee: "May I help you?"
Customer: "Uh, yes. This is not the best breakfast I ever ate, and I'd like my money back."
Employee: "Uh, okay, uh, I believe you have to fill out a form for that."
Customer: "Uh, no, I'd like my money back now."
Employee: "I'm sorry, it doesn't work that way. You see, I have to fill out a form, and, well, you ate most of it already, so..."
Customer: "See that sign? It says, '100% guaranteed.' You know what the meaning of 'guaranteed' is? Do they teach you that here?"
Employee: "Sir, if you'd just wait a minute."
Customer: "I am so tired of dealing with incompetence. It says, '100% guaranteed,' you moron."
Employee: "Mister, if you don't shut up, I'm gonna kick 100% of your ass!"
Fast Times At Ridgemont High
3. Customer #1: "Do you have any hot soup?"
Waitress: "No."
Customer #2: "Well, uh, do you have any coffee, then?"
Waitress: "No."
Customer #1: "Do you have any hot chocolate?"
Waitress: "We've spirits and beers. If it's something hot you want, you can have tea."
Customer #1: "Then you have tea?"
Waitress: "No."
Customer #1: "Oh."
Waitress: "But I can make some for you. If you'd like."
An American Werewolf In London
4. Employees: "Welcome to Winky Dinky Dog, Mr. Batty. May we take your order, please?"
Customer: "One Winky Dinky Dog with cheese, and one without. Extra special sauce."
Employee #1: "Got that, Tiny?"
Employee #2: "Yeah, yeah, yeah."
Employee #1: "One with cheese, and spit on the other one."
Hollywood Shuffle
5. Employee: "Hi. Welcome to McDonald's. What can I get for you?"
Customer #1: "Okay, what do you want?"
Customer #2: "Cheerios."
Customer #1: "They don't got Cheerios. What else?"
Customer #2: "Lasagna."
Customer #1: "Lasagna? What the hell's the matter with you?! We'll take hotcakes and sausage."
Employee: "Sorry, sir, we stopped serving breakfast."
Customer #1: "What are you talking about? We're four seconds late!"
Employee: "No. You're thirty minutes and four seconds late. We stop serving breakfast at 10:30."
Customer #1: "Ahhhh, horseshit!! No no no, don't cry. I'm sorry, I wasn't cursing at you, I was cursing at the lady."
Customer #3: "Nice parenting."
Customer #1: "Hey, thanks! Are you my therapist?! Take a walk! You want a Happy Meal? We'll get you one of those Happy Meals. Do you got a Happy Meal? Can we get a Happy Meal?! Will somebody get the kid a Happy Meal!!"
Big Daddy
6. Manager: "We stopped serving breakfast at 11:30."
Customer: "Rick, have you ever heard the expression, 'The customer is always right'?"
Manager: "Yeah."
Customer: "Yeah, well, here I am. The customer."
Manager: "That's not our policy. You have to order something from the lunch menu."
Customer: "I don't want lunch. I want breakfast."
Manager: "Yeah, well, hey, I'm really sorry."
Customer: "Yeah, well, hey, I'm really sorry too."
Someone: "He's got a gun!!!"
Falling Down
7. Hungry orphan: "Please, sir, I want some more."
Oliver
8. Bartender: "What do you want?"
Customer: "Beer?"
Bartender: "All I got is piss-warm Chango."
Customer: "That's my brand... Mm, this is damn good. I'd say this is the best beer I've ever had. Actually --"
Bartender: "Need anything over there?"
Customer: "-- I'm just glad to be alive right now. I was up a few towns away. You know Saragosa? I was visiting a bar there, not unlike this one. They serve beer. Not quite as good as this, but close. And I saw something you wouldn't believe."
Desperado
9. Employee: "Can I help you, sir? Can I help you, sir?"
Customer: "I was kinda wantin' somethin' to eat."
Employee: "Well, uh, what would you like?"
Customer: "You got any biscuits for sale in there?"
Employee: "Well, no, this is a Frosty Cream. We don't serve biscuits. We got a lot of other stuff, though."
Sling Blade
10. Customer: "I'll have chicken wings."
Waitress: "Kitchen's closed until dinner. Just got cold stuff and desserts."
Customer: "Boy, some chicken wings would really hit the spot. You sure it's closed?"
Waitress: "Let me check. Yup, it's closed."
Customer: "Okay, I'll just have a sugar packet or two. Hey, what's your name?"
Waitress: "Helen."
Customer: "That's nice. You look like a Helen. Helen, we're both in sales. Let me tell you why I suck as a salesman. Let's say I go into some guy's office, let's say he's even remotely interested in buying something. Well, then I get all excited. I'm like JoJo the Idiot Circus Boy with a pretty new pet. The pet is my possible sale. Oh, my pretty little pet. I love you. So I stroke it and I pet it and I massage it. I love it. I love my little naughty pet. You're naughty! And then I take my naughty pet and I go... Oooohhhhh! I killed it! I killed my sale! That's when I blow it. That's when people like us have got to forge ahead, Helen. Am I right?"
Waitress: "God, you're sick. Tell you what, I'll go turn the fryers back on and throw some wings in for you."
Customer: "Heyyyy, thanks, Helen."
Tommy Boy
11. Golfer #1: "I want a hamburger. No, a cheeseburger. I want a hot dog. I want a milkshake. I want potato chips."
Golfer #2: "You'll get nothing and like it!"
Caddyshack
12. Waitress: "Ready to order?"
Customer: "Yeah, I'll have a coffee, two, ah, two coffees. And it says, uh, here, 'Breakfast any time.'"
Waitress: "That's right."
Customer: "I'll have the, uh, panckaes in the, uh, Age of Enlightenment."
Swingers
13. Waitress: "Will that be all? Would you like your check?"
Customer #1: "Rita, you want something?"
Customer #2: "No, just, just the coffee."
Customer #1: "We'll take our check."
Waitress: "Okay."
Customer #1: "What is it, Rita?"
Customer #2: "Shhh. I remember something. I remember something."
Mulholland Drive
14. Waiter: "Hi, I'm Buddy. What can I getcha?"
Customer #1: "Let's see, steak, steak, steak. Oh yeah, the Douglas Sirk steak, I'll have that."
Waiter: "How do you want that cooked? Burnt to a crisp or bloody as hell?"
Customer #1: "Bloody as hell, and, oh yeah, look at this. Vanilla Coke."
Waiter: "What about you, Peggy Sue?"
Customer #2: "I'll have the Durwood Kirby burger, bloody, and the five-dollar shake."
Waiter: "How do you want that shake? Martin and Lewis or Amos and Andy?"
Customer #2: "Martin and Lewis"
Customer #1: "Did you just order a five-dollar shake?"
Pulp Fiction
shawn
Employee: "Are you gonna order something, kid?"
Customer: "Uh, yeah. Gimme, gimme a Tab."
Employee: "Tab? I can't give you a tab unless you order something."
Customer: "Alright, gimme a Pepsi Free."
Employee: "You want a Pepsi, pal, you're gonna pay for it."
Customer: "Well, just give me something without sugar in it, okay?"
Employee: "Something without sugar..."
Back To The Future
2. Employee: "May I help you?"
Customer: "Uh, yes. This is not the best breakfast I ever ate, and I'd like my money back."
Employee: "Uh, okay, uh, I believe you have to fill out a form for that."
Customer: "Uh, no, I'd like my money back now."
Employee: "I'm sorry, it doesn't work that way. You see, I have to fill out a form, and, well, you ate most of it already, so..."
Customer: "See that sign? It says, '100% guaranteed.' You know what the meaning of 'guaranteed' is? Do they teach you that here?"
Employee: "Sir, if you'd just wait a minute."
Customer: "I am so tired of dealing with incompetence. It says, '100% guaranteed,' you moron."
Employee: "Mister, if you don't shut up, I'm gonna kick 100% of your ass!"
Fast Times At Ridgemont High
3. Customer #1: "Do you have any hot soup?"
Waitress: "No."
Customer #2: "Well, uh, do you have any coffee, then?"
Waitress: "No."
Customer #1: "Do you have any hot chocolate?"
Waitress: "We've spirits and beers. If it's something hot you want, you can have tea."
Customer #1: "Then you have tea?"
Waitress: "No."
Customer #1: "Oh."
Waitress: "But I can make some for you. If you'd like."
An American Werewolf In London
4. Employees: "Welcome to Winky Dinky Dog, Mr. Batty. May we take your order, please?"
Customer: "One Winky Dinky Dog with cheese, and one without. Extra special sauce."
Employee #1: "Got that, Tiny?"
Employee #2: "Yeah, yeah, yeah."
Employee #1: "One with cheese, and spit on the other one."
Hollywood Shuffle
5. Employee: "Hi. Welcome to McDonald's. What can I get for you?"
Customer #1: "Okay, what do you want?"
Customer #2: "Cheerios."
Customer #1: "They don't got Cheerios. What else?"
Customer #2: "Lasagna."
Customer #1: "Lasagna? What the hell's the matter with you?! We'll take hotcakes and sausage."
Employee: "Sorry, sir, we stopped serving breakfast."
Customer #1: "What are you talking about? We're four seconds late!"
Employee: "No. You're thirty minutes and four seconds late. We stop serving breakfast at 10:30."
Customer #1: "Ahhhh, horseshit!! No no no, don't cry. I'm sorry, I wasn't cursing at you, I was cursing at the lady."
Customer #3: "Nice parenting."
Customer #1: "Hey, thanks! Are you my therapist?! Take a walk! You want a Happy Meal? We'll get you one of those Happy Meals. Do you got a Happy Meal? Can we get a Happy Meal?! Will somebody get the kid a Happy Meal!!"
Big Daddy
6. Manager: "We stopped serving breakfast at 11:30."
Customer: "Rick, have you ever heard the expression, 'The customer is always right'?"
Manager: "Yeah."
Customer: "Yeah, well, here I am. The customer."
Manager: "That's not our policy. You have to order something from the lunch menu."
Customer: "I don't want lunch. I want breakfast."
Manager: "Yeah, well, hey, I'm really sorry."
Customer: "Yeah, well, hey, I'm really sorry too."
Someone: "He's got a gun!!!"
Falling Down
7. Hungry orphan: "Please, sir, I want some more."
Oliver
8. Bartender: "What do you want?"
Customer: "Beer?"
Bartender: "All I got is piss-warm Chango."
Customer: "That's my brand... Mm, this is damn good. I'd say this is the best beer I've ever had. Actually --"
Bartender: "Need anything over there?"
Customer: "-- I'm just glad to be alive right now. I was up a few towns away. You know Saragosa? I was visiting a bar there, not unlike this one. They serve beer. Not quite as good as this, but close. And I saw something you wouldn't believe."
Desperado
9. Employee: "Can I help you, sir? Can I help you, sir?"
Customer: "I was kinda wantin' somethin' to eat."
Employee: "Well, uh, what would you like?"
Customer: "You got any biscuits for sale in there?"
Employee: "Well, no, this is a Frosty Cream. We don't serve biscuits. We got a lot of other stuff, though."
Sling Blade
10. Customer: "I'll have chicken wings."
Waitress: "Kitchen's closed until dinner. Just got cold stuff and desserts."
Customer: "Boy, some chicken wings would really hit the spot. You sure it's closed?"
Waitress: "Let me check. Yup, it's closed."
Customer: "Okay, I'll just have a sugar packet or two. Hey, what's your name?"
Waitress: "Helen."
Customer: "That's nice. You look like a Helen. Helen, we're both in sales. Let me tell you why I suck as a salesman. Let's say I go into some guy's office, let's say he's even remotely interested in buying something. Well, then I get all excited. I'm like JoJo the Idiot Circus Boy with a pretty new pet. The pet is my possible sale. Oh, my pretty little pet. I love you. So I stroke it and I pet it and I massage it. I love it. I love my little naughty pet. You're naughty! And then I take my naughty pet and I go... Oooohhhhh! I killed it! I killed my sale! That's when I blow it. That's when people like us have got to forge ahead, Helen. Am I right?"
Waitress: "God, you're sick. Tell you what, I'll go turn the fryers back on and throw some wings in for you."
Customer: "Heyyyy, thanks, Helen."
Tommy Boy
11. Golfer #1: "I want a hamburger. No, a cheeseburger. I want a hot dog. I want a milkshake. I want potato chips."
Golfer #2: "You'll get nothing and like it!"
Caddyshack
12. Waitress: "Ready to order?"
Customer: "Yeah, I'll have a coffee, two, ah, two coffees. And it says, uh, here, 'Breakfast any time.'"
Waitress: "That's right."
Customer: "I'll have the, uh, panckaes in the, uh, Age of Enlightenment."
Swingers
13. Waitress: "Will that be all? Would you like your check?"
Customer #1: "Rita, you want something?"
Customer #2: "No, just, just the coffee."
Customer #1: "We'll take our check."
Waitress: "Okay."
Customer #1: "What is it, Rita?"
Customer #2: "Shhh. I remember something. I remember something."
Mulholland Drive
14. Waiter: "Hi, I'm Buddy. What can I getcha?"
Customer #1: "Let's see, steak, steak, steak. Oh yeah, the Douglas Sirk steak, I'll have that."
Waiter: "How do you want that cooked? Burnt to a crisp or bloody as hell?"
Customer #1: "Bloody as hell, and, oh yeah, look at this. Vanilla Coke."
Waiter: "What about you, Peggy Sue?"
Customer #2: "I'll have the Durwood Kirby burger, bloody, and the five-dollar shake."
Waiter: "How do you want that shake? Martin and Lewis or Amos and Andy?"
Customer #2: "Martin and Lewis"
Customer #1: "Did you just order a five-dollar shake?"
Pulp Fiction
shawn
