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By Jim Caple ESPN
Keep the re-fresh button handy. It's going to be a mighty busy week around baseball.
The Democrats are holding their convention in Boston, where nominee John Kerry threw out the first pitch at a Red Sox-Yankees game. The Dodgers and Giants are fighting for first place in the National League West, while the Red Sox and Yankees are brawling on the field. Atlanta is back in first place, and the Cardinals can start printing postseason tickets. The Cubs are scrambling for the wild card, and Greg Maddux is one victory from the 300 Club. Jason Giambi has been laid low by a mysterious parasite, and Yankees starters are dropping like flyballs in Kansas City.
And, of course, everyone wants to trade for Randy Johnson.
What's going to happen? Fortunately, you don't have to wait until Saturday's trade deadline to find out ...
July 28
Yankees owner George Steinbrenner phones Arizona general manager Joe Garagiola Jr. and tells him he wants Johnson in New York in time for the press conference announcing the trade. When Garagiola claims he has no intention of trading Johnson, Steinbrenner just laughs and then adds, "No, seriously. Just make sure he's at Yankee Stadium at least 30 minutes before the press conference starts."
Curt Schilling phones Johnson to encourage his former teammate to demand a trade to the Red Sox. Johnson pretends that he can't hear Schilling, claiming, "Damn. The cell phone coverage here is awful. Call me back later." He then calls Verizon to change his cell number.
Doctors say the mysterious parasite plaguing Giambi could only have come from a third-world nation or a Shea Stadium concession stand.
July 29
Arizona's repeated assertions that it won't trade Johnson prove false when reporters discover that the team has listed the Big Unit on eBay. With two days and six hours remaining in the on-line auction, all 31 bids belong to one person using the name bcashman.
A near-deal between the Diamondbacks and Red Sox falls apart due to a last-minute problem with Boston's PayPal account.
In a related development, John Kerry celebrates the Democratic nomination by going to Fenway Park in a "Yankees suck!" T-shirt and a Johnny Damon wig. Unfortunately for Kerry, the Red Sox are playing in Baltimore.
Thoroughly disgusted and hopelessly out of the race, the Astros put Carlos Beltran out by the curb with the rest of the recycling.
July 30
With Anaheim trailing Texas and Oakland in the AL West and desperate for starting pitching, owner Arte Moreno delivers the announcement that Angels fans have been eagerly anticipating for weeks: He's lowering beer prices again.
The Yankees up the ante for Johnson, offering to pay the salaries of every single person living in Arizona.
Boston's complicated seven-team, 26-player blockbuster fails to achieve its objective when the Red Sox accidentally trade Johnson back to the Diamondbacks at the end of the deal.
Meanwhile, Johnson complicates the situation by saying he only wants to be traded to New York or the Italian village where Snakes owner Jerry Colangelo has his summer villa.
After Giambi acknowledges that he has lost 38 pounds since Opening Day, women across the country ask their doctors for prescriptions for the mysterious parasite.
July 31
The Diamondbacks accept Boston's offer of Nomar Garciaparra, reliever Curt Leskanic, third baseman Kevin Youkalis, two minor-league prospects and Ted Williams' frozen head for Johnson. The Red Sox back out at the last moment when Arizona refuses to pay shipping charges for the head.
The Yankees trade Orlando Hernandez and two players to be named later for Johnson when Arizona agrees to pay half the Big Unit's salary. The big news, however, is that the Yankees have also traded for Roger Clemens and Andy Pettitte.
Doctors finally identify the mysterious parasite plaguing Giambi and order him to stay away from Steinbrenner.
Jim Caple is a senior writer for ESPN.com
Keep the re-fresh button handy. It's going to be a mighty busy week around baseball.
The Democrats are holding their convention in Boston, where nominee John Kerry threw out the first pitch at a Red Sox-Yankees game. The Dodgers and Giants are fighting for first place in the National League West, while the Red Sox and Yankees are brawling on the field. Atlanta is back in first place, and the Cardinals can start printing postseason tickets. The Cubs are scrambling for the wild card, and Greg Maddux is one victory from the 300 Club. Jason Giambi has been laid low by a mysterious parasite, and Yankees starters are dropping like flyballs in Kansas City.
And, of course, everyone wants to trade for Randy Johnson.
What's going to happen? Fortunately, you don't have to wait until Saturday's trade deadline to find out ...
July 28
Yankees owner George Steinbrenner phones Arizona general manager Joe Garagiola Jr. and tells him he wants Johnson in New York in time for the press conference announcing the trade. When Garagiola claims he has no intention of trading Johnson, Steinbrenner just laughs and then adds, "No, seriously. Just make sure he's at Yankee Stadium at least 30 minutes before the press conference starts."
Curt Schilling phones Johnson to encourage his former teammate to demand a trade to the Red Sox. Johnson pretends that he can't hear Schilling, claiming, "Damn. The cell phone coverage here is awful. Call me back later." He then calls Verizon to change his cell number.
Doctors say the mysterious parasite plaguing Giambi could only have come from a third-world nation or a Shea Stadium concession stand.
July 29
Arizona's repeated assertions that it won't trade Johnson prove false when reporters discover that the team has listed the Big Unit on eBay. With two days and six hours remaining in the on-line auction, all 31 bids belong to one person using the name bcashman.
A near-deal between the Diamondbacks and Red Sox falls apart due to a last-minute problem with Boston's PayPal account.
In a related development, John Kerry celebrates the Democratic nomination by going to Fenway Park in a "Yankees suck!" T-shirt and a Johnny Damon wig. Unfortunately for Kerry, the Red Sox are playing in Baltimore.
Thoroughly disgusted and hopelessly out of the race, the Astros put Carlos Beltran out by the curb with the rest of the recycling.
July 30
With Anaheim trailing Texas and Oakland in the AL West and desperate for starting pitching, owner Arte Moreno delivers the announcement that Angels fans have been eagerly anticipating for weeks: He's lowering beer prices again.
The Yankees up the ante for Johnson, offering to pay the salaries of every single person living in Arizona.
Boston's complicated seven-team, 26-player blockbuster fails to achieve its objective when the Red Sox accidentally trade Johnson back to the Diamondbacks at the end of the deal.
Meanwhile, Johnson complicates the situation by saying he only wants to be traded to New York or the Italian village where Snakes owner Jerry Colangelo has his summer villa.
After Giambi acknowledges that he has lost 38 pounds since Opening Day, women across the country ask their doctors for prescriptions for the mysterious parasite.
July 31
The Diamondbacks accept Boston's offer of Nomar Garciaparra, reliever Curt Leskanic, third baseman Kevin Youkalis, two minor-league prospects and Ted Williams' frozen head for Johnson. The Red Sox back out at the last moment when Arizona refuses to pay shipping charges for the head.
The Yankees trade Orlando Hernandez and two players to be named later for Johnson when Arizona agrees to pay half the Big Unit's salary. The big news, however, is that the Yankees have also traded for Roger Clemens and Andy Pettitte.
Doctors finally identify the mysterious parasite plaguing Giambi and order him to stay away from Steinbrenner.
Jim Caple is a senior writer for ESPN.com
