Espn page 2 rips us

CardsFan88

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http://espn.go.com/page2/s/tmq/030826.html


"Arizona (caution: may contain football-like substance) Cardinals: The Cards have $14.6 million in salary-cap space, tops in the league. Why so much cap space? No one wants to play for the Arizona Cardinals. The team waved money at numerous up-and-coming gentlemen in the offseason, and all said "no thanks." The only quarterback they were able to sign was the vagabond Jeff Blake, who showed his true colors in the final game of 2002, joking and clowning around just seconds after throwing the late-game interception that knocked the Ravens out of the playoffs. Arizona is the last stop for a guy like that.


Would you want to play for a team with a 61-101 record over the last decade? That is perennially dead-last in home attendance? Average house last season, 40,910; NFL average, 65,755. (Big bonus about attending a game at Sun Devils Stadium: There's always an empty seat to put your stuff on.) To perform before a crowd, the Cardinals must go on the road, where last season they played in front of, on average, 29,387 more people than they did at their home games.


Would you want to play for a team that has appeared in four postseason games in the past half-century? That's a playoff game once every dozen years. Would you want to play for a team that last won a championship in 1947? Harry Truman was president the last time the Cardinals won a championship. Alaska and Hawaii were not states. The transistor radio had not been invented. Twinkies were in stores, though.


This year, the Arizona focus will be on the final bow of the great Emmitt Smith. Like Franco Harris with the Seahawks or Thurman Thomas with the Dolphins, Smith will play one empty year away from his true home -- earning a few extra bucks, marginally padding his stats, letting his true team know how mad he is that it pushed him out a season too soon. Whatever Emmitt does in the desert won't be about the Cardinals; it will be about sending an emissive back to Dallas. To top it all off, the Cardinals-Cowboys game this season is at Dallas, depriving the Cardinals of the only pairing that, since the move from St. Louis, has filled their house.


Last season, the Cardinals were outgained 6,020 yards to 4,563 yards, outscored 417 points to 262 points, gave up 335 first downs to 274 first downs ... no, I can't go on. Only pleasant thing about this franchise: Southwest babes in halter tops. If only some of them came to the stadium.


Cheerleader honesty: Check the opening page of the cheerleaders' section of the team website, where a high-aesthetic-appeal Southwestern babe seems to be saying, "You've got to be nuts to attend a Cardinals game."



TMQ spent the offseason studying art history to use in his column.


Emmitt honesty: Smith got into trouble by telling Sports Illustrated that last year in Dallas he felt like "a diamond surrounded by trash." As to his new Arizona situation? Cubic zirconium surrounded by recycled paperboard."


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I didn't see this posted so I hope it isn't a repost.

Wow this article rips us hard. I didn't know that about blake.

They took a cheap shot using our cheerleaders picture thats low.

Oh well.....hopefully this year we'll prove 'em wrong.
 

MadCardDisease

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ESPN Page 2 is the biggest joke in the media. I beleive that they are part of ESPN the Magazine. Probably the worst writers in sports.

This childish article just proves the point agian.
 

cardzfan

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I bet this guy ripped the Rams for hiring an "ancient" Dick Vermeil, or the Raiders for getting a journeyman QB in Gannon. When you are constantly looking back, you can not see what is in front of you. It is easy to criticize a team that has been down for a while. The Cards defense is for real, and we will win more games than most people think, and upset some media darling teams.
 

RugbyMuffin

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Originally posted by MadCardDisease
ESPN Page 2 is the biggest joke in the media. I beleive that they are part of ESPN the Magazine. Probably the worst writers in sports.

This childish article just proves the point agian.

Agreed!

This Page 2 nonsense has to stop! It is like letting my drunk Uncle have a news column!

All they are missing are references to poopoo and ******!

HA!

:thumbup:
 

MadCardDisease

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Now that I think about it, I believe that half of this article was cut and pasted from thier Cardinal piece from last year.
 

RugbyMuffin

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Originally posted by cardzfan
I bet this guy ripped the Rams for hiring an "ancient" Dick Vermeil, or the Raiders for getting a journeyman QB in Gannon. When you are constantly looking back, you can not see what is in front of you. It is easy to criticize a team that has been down for a while. The Cards defense is for real, and we will win more games than most people think, and upset some media darling teams.

I critisize the author's looks!

He sure looks like a guy who play a lot of sports !

Like Pocket Pool, and Olley the Trolley!

Stupid!
 

Sandan

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I've watched Jeff Blake and Jake and I am in no doubt who I would prefer to be our QB.

I see a dedicated leader with Blake and I have no clue why this guys hates him other than the obvious. The obvious being he is a Cardinal therefore must suck.

I wonder how Jerry Rice and Rich Gannon feel about being washed up when the went to the Raiders. So far Emmit looks pretty good to me and I think he will be awesome providing we use his carefully.
 

Cheesebeef

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Originally posted by MadCardDisease
ESPN Page 2 is the biggest joke in the media. I beleive that they are part of ESPN the Magazine. Probably the worst writers in sports.

This childish article just proves the point agian.

come on mna Page 2 isn't supposed to be taken seriously. I think most of their writers are hilarious.
 

Rivercard

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Originally posted by cardzfan
I bet this guy ripped the Rams for hiring an "ancient" Dick Vermeil, or the Raiders for getting a journeyman QB in Gannon. When you are constantly looking back, you can not see what is in front of you.

Yep, rear view mirror journalism. I don't think they will trash the media darling Rams or Raiders though.
 

kerouac9

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Gregg Easterbrook (The Tuesday Morning Quarterback), who was the author of the little tidbit quoted above, is a fellow at the Brookings Institution as well as an editor at The Atlantic Monthly and The New Republic. He's smarter than Cheese and his clown henchman put together, as well as the funniest and most insightful columnist on ESPN's Page 2.

What can you dispute from the article? That no one wants to play here? Sounds pretty true to me; Vonnie Holliday and Rosie Colvin both turned down massive financial offers to play elsewhere on teams that have a more legitimate chance to make the playoffs in the next two years.

Can you dispute the fact that the Cards have the worst home attendance and rock-bottom winning percentage?

Finally, I think that he's saying something that no one else wants to say about Emmitt being in the Valley:

Whatever Emmitt does in the desert won't be about the Cardinals; it will be about sending an emissive back to Dallas.

Emmitt still talks about the Cowboys being "us". In his heart, he'll always be a Cowboy. And that's just the fact of the matter. His time here is just a footnote to his career, and whatever he does is a message to Parcells and Jerry Jones about letting him go.

If you read the whole Column, TMQ hates on every team in the NFC in this column. It's what he does. As has been said before, the Cards haven't done anything in five years to earn any respect from the media, so why do you think they deserve any?
 

Rivercard

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Originally posted by kerouac9
Gregg Easterbrook (The Tuesday Morning Quarterback), who was the author of the little tidbit quoted above, He's smarter than Cheese and his clown henchman put together, as well as the funniest and most insightful columnist on ESPN's Page 2.

What can you dispute from the article? That no one wants to play here? Sounds pretty true to me; Vonnie Holliday and Rosie Colvin both turned down massive financial offers to play elsewhere on teams that have a more legitimate chance to make the playoffs in the next two years.

IMHO Easterbrook is neither funny nor insightful. He is a lazy writer who only puts down and doesn't analyze. But as you say "that's what he does". I keep hearing that nobody wants to play here - that's not true. Not everybody wants to come to AZ but plenty do - Smith, Jackson, Hodgins, Darling etc....
 

Wild Card

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Originally posted by kerouac9
Gregg Easterbrook (The Tuesday Morning Quarterback), who was the author of the little tidbit quoted above, is a fellow at the Brookings Institution as well as an editor at The Atlantic Monthly and The New Republic. He's smarter than Cheese and his clown henchman put together, as well as the funniest and most insightful columnist on ESPN's Page 2...

If you read the whole Column, TMQ hates on every team in the NFC in this column. It's what he does.

Kerouac:

Agreed. Easterbrook is both a smart guy and a rabid football fan, and I think his stuff is hysterical. And he's an equal-opportunity basher. During the season, at least, he's a must-read. (If for no other reason, for the frequent photos, and links to photos, of football-related "babes". :thumbup: )

WC
 

kerouac9

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Originally posted by Rivercard
IMHO Easterbrook is neither funny nor insightful. He is a lazy writer who only puts down and doesn't analyze. But as you say "that's what he does". I keep hearing that nobody wants to play here - that's not true. Not everybody wants to come to AZ but plenty do - Smith, Jackson, Hodgins, Darling etc....

I'm sorry, what I meant is that marquee players don't want to come here. No one wanted Emmitt. Pittsburgh didn't want to pay as much for Dex, same with Hodgins and Darling. Face it, we missed on the free agents that we really wanted (including Kordell Stewart), and the reason had nothing to do with winning.

If you don't find Easterbrook funny, I'm amazed. I laugh out loud at some of the stuff he writes. As for analysis, he's not an analyst, he's a fan, and that's what comes across in his columns. If you want analysis, read Pasquerelli or Clayton.
 

Rivercard

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Originally posted by kerouac9
If you don't find Easterbrook funny, I'm amazed. I laugh out loud at some of the stuff he writes. As for analysis, he's not an analyst, he's a fan, and that's what comes across in his columns. If you want analysis, read Pasquerelli or Clayton.

Good point :thumbup: He has his niche and some folks like it - I can always just not read it!
 

MadCardDisease

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Originally posted by kerouac9
As for analysis, he's not an analyst, he's a fan, and that's what comes across in his columns. If you want analysis, read Pasquerelli or Clayton.

I agree, this guy is just there for a laugh. Most of the stuff in Page2 is useless garbage.
 

Wild Card

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As proof that Easterbrook bashes teams equally, here's his preseason take on the Cards' first regular-season opponent, fom the same article:


>>Detroit Lions "Since Matt Millen's arrival in Detroit, he has re-structured the organization to have a positive impact on the team's strive to claim a Super Bowl crown." So declares the official Lions' website of the team's not-just-president, not-just-CEO, but "president and CEO." This brings to TMQ's mind the scene in the novel "1984" in which Winston Smith is ordered to write Big Brother's announcement that the chocorat -- chocolate ration -- has been increased from 30 grams per week to 25 grams per week. That's right, increased from 30 to 25. In the two years before Millen took the Detroit helm, the Lions were 17-15; in the two years since, 5-27. Millen has "re-structured the organization to have a positive impact," and victories have increased from 17 to 5!

When Millen took over, the Lions had been to the playoffs six of the previous 10 years, and missed the postseason only when an opponent hit an improbable 54-yard field goal on the final snap of the final regular-season game. Inheriting an almost-playoff club, Millen declared that he would clean house. He did. The house was completely cleaned of anyone remotely capable of putting a team into the postseason.

How does Millen keep his job? He works for the Ford family, during whose 40-year reign over the Lions, the team has never won a championship. In 40 years, the Ford family has celebrated a grand total of one postseason victory. Lions failure is the norm to the Ford family, so Millen's track record looks normal...

Now Steve Mariucci takes over, and brings his lifetime 60-43 coaching record to the task. He'll need it. As ESPN.com's Len Pasquarelli has pointed out, the last 10 masters of the Lions, once dismissed, have never worked as NFL head coaches again -- Gary Moeller, Bobby Ross, Wayne Fontes, Daryl Rogers, Monte Clark, Tommy Hudspeth, Rock Forzano, Don McCafferty, Joe Schmidt, Harry Gilmer. What an honor roll! Mornhinweg may make it 11 straight.

As for the Lions players, expect the team to have 53 of them this season.

Fun fact: At 67-71, Wayne Fontes was both the winning-est and losing-est head coach in Lions history.

Imagine When It's Only 800: The Detroit Free Press has begun running a countdown box to the 2006 Super Bowl, which the city will host. Current: 893 days left.<<

Heck, I think he's funny.

WC
 

Rivercard

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Originally posted by Wild Card
As proof that Easterbrook bashes teams equally, here's his preseason take on the Cards' first regular-season opponent, fom the same article:


>>Detroit Lions "Since Matt Millen's arrival in Detroit, he has re-structured the organization to have a positive impact on the team's strive to claim a Super Bowl crown." So declares the official Lions' website of the team's not-just-president, not-just-CEO, but "president and CEO." This brings to TMQ's mind the scene in the novel "1984" in which Winston Smith is ordered to write Big Brother's announcement that the chocorat -- chocolate ration -- has been increased from 30 grams per week to 25 grams per week. That's right, increased from 30 to 25. In the two years before Millen took the Detroit helm, the Lions were 17-15; in the two years since, 5-27. Millen has "re-structured the organization to have a positive impact," and victories have increased from 17 to 5!


When Millen took over, the Lions had been to the playoffs six of the previous 10 years, and missed the postseason only when an opponent hit an improbable 54-yard field goal on the final snap of the final regular-season game. Inheriting an almost-playoff club, Millen declared that he would clean house. He did. The house was completely cleaned of anyone remotely capable of putting a team into the postseason.

How does Millen keep his job? He works for the Ford family, during whose 40-year reign over the Lions, the team has never won a championship. In 40 years, the Ford family has celebrated a grand total of one postseason victory. Lions failure is the norm to the Ford family, so Millen's track record looks normal...

Now Steve Mariucci takes over, and brings his lifetime 60-43 coaching record to the task. He'll need it. As ESPN.com's Len Pasquarelli has pointed out, the last 10 masters of the Lions, once dismissed, have never worked as NFL head coaches again -- Gary Moeller, Bobby Ross, Wayne Fontes, Daryl Rogers, Monte Clark, Tommy Hudspeth, Rock Forzano, Don McCafferty, Joe Schmidt, Harry Gilmer. What an honor roll! Mornhinweg may make it 11 straight.

As for the Lions players, expect the team to have 53 of them this season.

Fun fact: At 67-71, Wayne Fontes was both the winning-est and losing-est head coach in Lions history.

Imagine When It's Only 800: The Detroit Free Press has begun running a countdown box to the 2006 Super Bowl, which the city will host. Current: 893 days left.<<

Heck, I think he's funny.

WC

Cmon Wild Card, this isn't a good example of equal opportunity bashing - ripping the Lions is as easy as ripping the Cards. An equal opportunity basher would rip into the media darlings Tampa bay, Oakland or St. Louis - has he done that lately?
 

kerouac9

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Originally posted by Rivercard
Cmon Wild Card, this isn't a good example of equal opportunity bashing - ripping the Lions is as easy as ripping the Cards. An equal opportunity basher would rip into the media darlings Tampa bay, Oakland or St. Louis - has he done that lately?

All right, here you go...

Oakland Long Johns: Sometimes a team will have a wonderful season, reach the big event with legitimate high hopes, and afterward fans end up saying, "Super Bowl? Sorry, I'm not familiar with any Super Bowl. That some kind of college game?" The Bills of 1991 come to mind, as do the Broncos of 1987 and the Potomac Drainage Basin Indigenous Persons of 1983. Now the Raiders of 2002 join this group, whose collective motto might be: What Just Hit Us?


Everything went wrong for Oakland. The offensive line, best in the league in 2002 -- the Raiders' passing attack was premised on plenty of time for Rich Gannon to wait while those annoying Oakland "rub" routes developed -- was horrifying. Barret Robbins going Section Eight (military personnel will know what that means) was one factor, but everybody on the Raiders' front played his worst game of the year; worst of them all was Lincoln Kennedy, who had just been named TMQ NFL Non-QB/Non-RB MVP.


Gannon, in turn, didn't take the pressure well. During 16 regular-season contests, he threw 10 interceptions (one per 62 attempts); in the Super Bowl he threw five interceptions (one per nine attempts). Afterward, Gannon said he forgot to look to see where the safeties were before the snap, which is rather like a pilot saying he forgot to lower the landing gear. The farther one advances in the postseason, the better defensive game-plans become - and quarterbacks who don't look at the defensive set, just assuming everything will work as usual, pay the price. In the 1992 Super Bowl, Jim Kelly threw four interceptions. "Washington" defenders were moving around in an usual way just before the snap, and Kelly didn't look.


The coaching letdown was as bad as the players' letdown. Though Oakland was playing its prior-year leader in Jon "I Was a Teenaged Coach" Gruden, incredibly the Raiders did not change their audible codes for the game: Tampa defenders were calling out many plays before they started. (Oakland did change its audibles by the second quarter.) At the start of the second half, Raiders coach Bill Callahan made one of the worst buck-buck-brawckkkkkkk calls ever. Trailing 20-3, Oakland faced fourth-and-2 on its 35; Callahan sent in the punting unit. Why are you punting? Trailing big, Oakland's league-leading offense has got to be able to gain two yards with the season on the line. Instead the Raiders punted, Tampa drove for a touchdown and the game became a yawner. TMQ foresees a dark season for Oakland; the football gods will not smile upon a team that punts on fourth-and-2 with the Super Bowl in the balance.


Legal note: Al Davis, whose hobby is to attempt to destroy professional football through litigation, is already suing the league and Los Angeles, and now he's even suing his own city, Oakland. It's only a matter of time till Al Davis sues the Raiders. Meanwhile with the Bears having the first-ever NFL corporate sponsor, TMQ suggests that the Raiders be sponsored by the American Trial Lawyers Association.


St. Louis Mouflons: A Super Bowl win, another Super Bowl appearance and then last season the Rams opened by losing five straight and rebounded by winning five straight. It's always a party in St. Louis! What will the Mouflons do in 2003 to top that?

Last season, St. Louis threw on 66 percent of its snaps, most of any NFL team. But the bottom line, 20 points per game - the league average was 22 -- shows that heave-ho alone does not guarantee a flashing scoreboard. As the Rams wheezed out down the stretch, they failed to score more than 10 points in three of their final five games. A 4,154-yard passing offense doesn't amount to much if passing is all a team can do.


St. Louis is on a down cycle regarding talent, partly because Mike Martz insists on choosing high draft picks. A corollary of TMQ's law, Either a Coach or a Manager Be, is: Neither a Scout Nor a Negotiator Coaches Be. Two years ago Martz insisted on using No. 1 picks on DTs Ryan Pickett and Damione Lewis, when there were higher-rated gentlemen available. Martz said he had a feeling about this pair: bookies rub their hands happily when marks "have a feeling" about a bet. Neither Pickett nor Lewis have become steady starters, and in this year's draft Martz insisted on spending a No. 1 on Jimmy Kennedy, though there were higher-rated gentlemen available.


When Kennedy dragged himself into camp, Rams DL coach Bill Kollar gave him this endorsement: "He's definitely not in great condition (but) he is not as bad as Ryan Pickett was when he was a rookie."


So he's ugly, but not as ugly as my last date!


Fun fact: the St. Louis colors are "Rams millennium blue and Rams century gold."

City of Tampa Buccaneers: There isn't any doubt about who deserved last year's championship. Tampa capped a solid season by pasting San Francisco at home, pasting Philadelphia on the road and pasting Oakland in the Super Bowl, at one point leading 34-3. The last three champs (Baltimore, New England and Tampa) have featured power defense that peaked in the season's second half, getting better each game while saving the best for last. Neither of the first two could sustain its momentum the following season, though. Will Tampa?


Draftnik purists would say Tampa can't be a champ: recently it has invested five No. 1 picks and three No. 2s in just three gentlemen, Jon "I Was A Teenaged Coach" Gruden, Keyshawn Johnson and Kenyatta Walker. Yet the team has combined drafted stars (Derrick Brooks, Warren Sapp) with who-dats (Greg Spires) and retreads (Brad Johnson, Simeon Rice) to sound effect. Arizona spent a lottery pick on Rice and let him go as a disappointment; for City of Tampa of he has been stellar. Will the next Bucs retread be Thomas Jones? Arizona spent a lottery pick on Jones and let him go as a disappointment. Now he's in Tampa.


Financial note: Bucs defensive coordinator Monte Kiffin got a big raise. At $1.5 million for 2003, he will earn more than several head coaches elsewhere. Average salaries of coordinators have skyrocketed in recent years from $200,000 to $400,000 as teams seek the latest magic formula for victory. What next, bidding wars for cheerleaders? TMQ volunteers to scout.

Are the Raiders' and Bucs' previews as bad? No, but they went to the freaking Super Bowl last season, and didn't lose any key talent. Fun was poked at the franchises, nonetheless.
 

Rivercard

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Originally posted by kerouac9
Are the Raiders' and Bucs' previews as bad? No, but they went to the freaking Super Bowl last season, and didn't lose any key talent. Fun was poked at the franchises, nonetheless.

Nice work! :thumbup:
 

kerouac9

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Originally posted by Rivercard
Nice work! :thumbup:

Thanks. It's worth looking at the column if for no other reason than to see the picture of Britney in an altered Champ Bailey jersey.
 
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