The film guy from AZStarnet.com is keeping a running diary of his RoD.
http://regulus2.azstarnet.com/blogs/philmguy/7850
My Xbox 360 Red Ring of Death Diary
2008-02-13
Phil Villarreal
Jan. 22
Hello dear friend. After 15 months your soul was finally claimed by the famed red ring of death. I think it was watching the entire “Twin Peaks” series on you that finally did you in. I did everything I could to protect you, elevating your power brick on an aluminum stand and putting you up on an open-air pedestal so you wouldn’t overheat. I feel betrayed and saddened. But I really want what’s best for you, so I logged onto xbox.com and filed a warranty claim. I expect your cardboard coffin/gurney to arrive sometime this week, and I promise to write you every day until you or a refurbished replacement comes back to me.
Jan. 23
Hi, Xbox 360. It’s Phil again. I know you can’t hear me, but you know how they say it helps comatose patients for loved ones to talk to them as much as possible? I’m hoping the Microsoft angel of death notices my affection and releases you from his deathgrip so we can play some “Burnout Paradise.” I pushed your power button 17 times, but you wouldn’t comply. See you tomorrow.
Jan. 24
My love for you burns eternal. I think about you day and night, and in fact last night you and I were together in my dreams, busting through “Double Dragon” on XBLA. I was so proud of us – we actually got the achievement where you need to finish level 2 holding the baseball bat! And then I woke up and it hadn’t actually happened. How depressing.
Jan. 25
I bought one of those Mexican Jesus candles and put it on top of you, hoping for a little divine intervention. Nothing. I opened your disc drive and blew into you, just as I did to bring back my old NES from the netherworld. Not working. Xbox 360, I wish I could quit you.
Jan. 26
I don’t know how to tell you this, but I’ve started to see other consoles. I met this petite, compact, motion-sensing pal named Wii, and this big, black behemoth called PS3, and together we, well, I’ll spare you the details. It was meaningless lust and nothing more. I promise there’s still a place in my heart for you. Please don’t hold this against me. Sometimes a fella gets lonely.
Jan. 27
Miracle of miracles! During my routine turn-on/turn off rehab efforts on you, you actually sprang back to life long enough for me to download “Boogie Bunnies!” But alas, you shut back down after 5 minutes, just as I’m in the middle of a game, leaving me with blue bunnies.
Jan. 28
Your UPS shipping box from Microsoft came today. I mournfully disconnected you, grotesquely detached your hard drive and wrapped you in cold, rubber-banded plastic, then nestled you in with the foam. I hustled out to the UPS store just before closing time and bade you adieu. I realize this is probably the last time we’ll see one another, because Microsoft will most likely send me a refurbished unit. I wish you well on whatever adventures you encounter, and look forward to meeting your clone, whom I will surely love, but will never mean as much to me as you. I’ve adored you since first sight when the GameStop clerk pulled you out of the back room and pushed you across the checkout counter in September of ’06. It was a doomed affair from the start. I remember him mentioning “If this breaks don’t return it. Talk to Microsoft.”
Jan. 29
I don’t know what to say. I’ve been watching a lot of movies lately and playing “Advance Wars Days of Ruin” on the DS. I’m starting to think my heart will go on.
Jan. 30
I went on a jog today. Just realized I have these analog controllers called “legs” that don’t even need to be recharged! My wife put a potted plant where you used to stand. I griped at her, but you know, the plant doesn’t look too bad there at all. I’m not sure where you’ll go if and when you come back. But don’t worry, I’ll think of something.
Jan. 31
I swear, me and Wii are just friends. Friends with benefits, but friends nonetheless. And I know you may have heard the rumors that me and PS3 were “folding at home.” Don’t listen to any of that – those are just crass rumors. I’m not a harlot. I’m emotionally faithful to you baby, I promise.
Feb. 1
A wave of nostalgia crashed over me when I came across your user’s manual. I remembered all the good times – our using the Cardinals to throttle the Patriots in online Madden games, and beating Portal thanks to the continuous help of online video walkthroughs. Remember when I put in “The Simpsons Game” and I laughed at the part when Bart said dinosaur bones are what Flanders said were put there by God to trick us? Ah… We had a moment.
Feb. 2
The thing with me and Wii is over, I swear. It didn’t have much to offer me after I collected the star that unlocked Luigi in “Super Mario Galaxy.” I mean, “Metroid Prime 3: Corruption” doesn’t even offer online multiplayer! Oh, but “Mario Strikers Charged” does, and I love that game. Hold on, I’ll be back in a few hours.
Feb. 3
Don’t be intimidated by Wii, 360. You totally have a better attach rate. And the exclusive “Halo” license! Don’t feel bad. I’ll totally play you again once you come back. There’s only so much diving I can do in “Endless Ocean” before I need my “Devil May Cry 4” fix. But wait, that game is coming onto PS3 too! Hmm…
Feb. 4
Everyone is telling me how good your XBLA game “Rez HD” is, and I’m devastated that I can’t check that one out for myself. I’m excited to play that one, as well as everything else you have to offer. Like “Wii Fit.” Um, I mean “Lost Odyssey.” I totally meant to say “Lost Odyssey.”
Feb. 5
“Turok” came out today. If only we could go dinosaur hunting together. I really want to shoot a raptor in the face. I’ll have to settle for re-reading “Prince Caspian.” Gotta get ready because the movie comes out in only a few months.
Feb. 6
So I got “Devil May Cry 4” on PS3. It took like 7 hours to load, and I know you would have treated me much better. But I got playing, tossing demons into the air and shooting them with glee at 60 frames per second, and after a while, it didn’t seem any different than if I’d been with you. Don’t bother coming back.
Feb. 7
I didn’t mean it, baby. I know your CPU handles games smoother than the PS3. You’re the only console to give me the true “Madden NFL 08” experience. It’s just that “Devil May Cry” is a really good game, so it distracted me. Sometimes people say hurtful things to those they love. Don’t hold it against me. I just miss you so hard.
Feb. 8
I’m starting to doubt I’ll ever play you again. It’s been so long, and I’m a different person now. Today on the radio Cher’s “Do You Believe in Life After Love” started playing and it totally reminded me of us. I’ve started thinking maybe I’m too good for you. I have other interests, you know. I’ve started origami. I can totally turn a piece of notebook paper into a cube. I’m working on a swan next.
Feb. 9
I checked online to see that Microsoft has finally shipped you – or at least a replacement of you – back to me. Now that our reunion is so close, I’m suffering a mixture of gleeful anticipation of clutching you in my arms once again and bitter resentment that you left me for so long.
Feb. 10
FedEx.com says you’re still in Texas as of Feb. 8. I hope your delivery truck hasn’t been hijacked. If you need help or are kidnapped, send word and I’ll drive out there myself to rescue you. Stay strong!
Feb. 11
I read online at The Consumerist that Xbox 360s sometimes return with DRM issues that don’t let you play your downloaded games properly. Say it ain’t so.
Feb. 12
You know that part at the end of “Con Air,” when Nicolas Cage is finished killing all the psychopath terrorists and he clutches that dirty, ragged teddy bear for his daughter and runs up and hugs his wife and kid as LeeAnn Rimes sings “How Do I Live Without You”? Well that was totally how it went down when I picked you up at the South Side Fed Ex plant at 7:45 p.m.; our meeting delayed because my wife wasn’t there when the delivery guy tried to bring you to my house earlier in the day. I hooked you up with a reverent sigh, stuck you inside the entertainment center, and proceeded to play “Boogie Bunnies” until midnight. You had no DRM issues, and play exactly like my old Xbox 360. I hope you have a heatsink installed in you though, because the pedestal belongs to the plant now and you’re going in the cabinet right by the DVR. You two play nice, and be sure not to overheat like my red hot passion for you.