Speaking from personal experience, there is only so much one can do to get help for a loved one in that situation. If that person doesn't want help or doesn't think he needs it, then you can't force it on them, no matter how "proactive" you are or how much you love him.
It doesn't necessarily make the person the "the worst and most horrible people in the world." And it also doesn't mean those people are enabled and/or ignored.
You're one of my very favorite posters on the Cards board (don't tell anyone I have favorites ... I'm a teacher), anytimeuwant, and, while I hate DUI and DWI as much as anyone, I don't think you can blame the grieving loved ones for anything here. If anything, and, again, talking from personal experience, they have my prayers and sympathy.