SissyBoyFloyd
Pawnee, Skidi Clan
which don't include Notre Dame. Got any good ones. Any religion will do, as long as it involves football.
Know any Football + Religious Jokes
- Thread starter SissyBoyFloyd
- Start date
AZ Native
Living is Easy with Eyes Closed
Tom Brady, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded Patriots flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity, Tom," said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here." Tom felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house.
On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story mansion with BLACK & GOLD sidewalk, a 50-foot tall flagpole with an enormous STEELERS logo flag, and in every window, a TERRIBLE towel. Tom looked at God and said "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I hold many NFL records, and I even won a few Super Bowls." God said "So what's your point, Tom?" "Well, why does Roethlisberger get a better house than me?"
God chuckled, and said: "Tom, that's not Roethlisberger's house.... It's Mine."
On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story mansion with BLACK & GOLD sidewalk, a 50-foot tall flagpole with an enormous STEELERS logo flag, and in every window, a TERRIBLE towel. Tom looked at God and said "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I hold many NFL records, and I even won a few Super Bowls." God said "So what's your point, Tom?" "Well, why does Roethlisberger get a better house than me?"
God chuckled, and said: "Tom, that's not Roethlisberger's house.... It's Mine."
Jetstream Green
Kool Aid with a touch of vodka
A lifelong Big Red fan recently passed away...
and as he reached the pearly gates, St. Peter was there to welcome him. After showing him around the place he asked Bill if there was anything he needed. Bill replied, "yes, I would like to have a word with God." St. Peter left, and returned shortly to escort him to God's office. "God will be with you in a minute," St. Peter said. "Make yourself at home."
Bill was simply amazed. God's office was surrounded with Cardinal memorabillia. On one wall hung an old photo of the Morgan Athletic Club and another of the Racine Cardinals. A pennant from the 1947 Championship hung over God's desk. Footballs autographed by Ernie Nevers and Charley Trippi were proudly displayed on shelves. On another wall was a picture of the "Million Dollar Backfield," with Pat Harder, Charley Trippi, Paul Christman and Elmer Angsman.
Literally hundreds of photos of Comiskey Park and Busch Stadium were also displayed. A coffee cup with the Cardinal Head on the side sat on God's desk. An authentic Cardinal helmet signed by all the players on the 1973 NFC East Division Champions caught Bill's eye. I could go on, but you get the picture.
As Bill was looking around, God entered and welcomed him to heaven. "How do you like heaven so far?" God asked.
"GREAT!" replied Bill. "I take it you are a Cardinal fan?"
"ABSOLUTELY!" God replied." And before you ask, yes we have the NFL Ticket here in heaven so you won't miss a play."
Bill was in a daze and disbelief when suddenly this puzzling look came over his face. "Something wrong?" God asked.
"Well, quite frankly, yes," Bill said. "You see, all my life I've been a Cardinal fan. I have suffered through some of the worst seasons any fan of any team could imagine. I led what I believed to be a pretty good life, if for no other reason than to enjoy a few winning seasons and perhaps celebrate a Cardinal Champonship with my friends during my stay on earth. It's great that I'll still be able to watch my beloved Cardinals here in heaven, but can I ask you something?" God replied, "why of course, ask me anything you'd like."
"Can you tell me....will the Cardinals EVER win a Super Bowl, seeing you're a Cardinal fan and all?" Bill asked.
God replied, "sure...but not in my lifetime
and as he reached the pearly gates, St. Peter was there to welcome him. After showing him around the place he asked Bill if there was anything he needed. Bill replied, "yes, I would like to have a word with God." St. Peter left, and returned shortly to escort him to God's office. "God will be with you in a minute," St. Peter said. "Make yourself at home."
Bill was simply amazed. God's office was surrounded with Cardinal memorabillia. On one wall hung an old photo of the Morgan Athletic Club and another of the Racine Cardinals. A pennant from the 1947 Championship hung over God's desk. Footballs autographed by Ernie Nevers and Charley Trippi were proudly displayed on shelves. On another wall was a picture of the "Million Dollar Backfield," with Pat Harder, Charley Trippi, Paul Christman and Elmer Angsman.
Literally hundreds of photos of Comiskey Park and Busch Stadium were also displayed. A coffee cup with the Cardinal Head on the side sat on God's desk. An authentic Cardinal helmet signed by all the players on the 1973 NFC East Division Champions caught Bill's eye. I could go on, but you get the picture.
As Bill was looking around, God entered and welcomed him to heaven. "How do you like heaven so far?" God asked.
"GREAT!" replied Bill. "I take it you are a Cardinal fan?"
"ABSOLUTELY!" God replied." And before you ask, yes we have the NFL Ticket here in heaven so you won't miss a play."
Bill was in a daze and disbelief when suddenly this puzzling look came over his face. "Something wrong?" God asked.
"Well, quite frankly, yes," Bill said. "You see, all my life I've been a Cardinal fan. I have suffered through some of the worst seasons any fan of any team could imagine. I led what I believed to be a pretty good life, if for no other reason than to enjoy a few winning seasons and perhaps celebrate a Cardinal Champonship with my friends during my stay on earth. It's great that I'll still be able to watch my beloved Cardinals here in heaven, but can I ask you something?" God replied, "why of course, ask me anything you'd like."
"Can you tell me....will the Cardinals EVER win a Super Bowl, seeing you're a Cardinal fan and all?" Bill asked.
God replied, "sure...but not in my lifetime
The New Orleans Saints?
NeverSayDieFan
ASFN Lifer
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The BIG 3...
Jets fan: We're just 3 players away from winning a Super Bowl.
Patriots fan: Yeah, but unfortunately those 3 are the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost!!
MARK IN SC
A BASK-ER ...AND A BELIEVER!
Jets fan: We're just 3 players away from winning a Super Bowl.
Patriots fan: Yeah, but unfortunately those 3 are the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost!!
MARK IN SC
A BASK-ER ...AND A BELIEVER!
PACardsFan
ASFN Icon
I like it, but the Cardinals didn't win the 1973 NFC East. They did win it in 1974 & 1975
Drop D
Striving for the Penultimate
Don't shatter the man's faith!!!
GuernseyCard
ASFN Icon
A retired NFLer, a former star at Notre Dame, had a heart attack and was rushed to a Roman Catholic hospital, barely hanging on.
They stabilized him and later replaced a valve.
When he woke up, there was a nun at his bedside with a clipboard and questionnaire.
“Do you have health insurance?, she asked.
No, he replied.
Do you have savings to cover the cost of the operation and your stay?
No.
Do you have family that could help out?
No. I only have a spinster sister who like you is a nun.
Indignant, she replied, we are not spinsters, we are married to Christ.
Good, he said. Send the bill to my brother-in-law, I’m sure he’ll pay.”
They stabilized him and later replaced a valve.
When he woke up, there was a nun at his bedside with a clipboard and questionnaire.
“Do you have health insurance?, she asked.
No, he replied.
Do you have savings to cover the cost of the operation and your stay?
No.
Do you have family that could help out?
No. I only have a spinster sister who like you is a nun.
Indignant, she replied, we are not spinsters, we are married to Christ.
Good, he said. Send the bill to my brother-in-law, I’m sure he’ll pay.”
This one I like a lot.
RonF
Per Ardua Ad Astra
God said to Adam, I will give you a wife, do you have any special requests in the matter? Adam responded, what would it cause to have a wife that is outstanding in all areas, beauty, brains, willing to do what is asked of her. God responded, the cost of such a person would be high, it would cost you an arm and a leg. Adam responded, what would I get for a rib?
OP
OP
SissyBoyFloyd
Pawnee, Skidi Clan
So, it is because Adam was so cheap that we for women we got emotional tempermental chatterboxes.
