OT--David Harrison, C, Indiana Pacers

[F-Dog]

If you remember, Harrison almost fell to the Suns last year, which would have pissed off a few Suns fans (the team was planning to take Jackson Vroman in any case).

Thanks to an article by one of his college teammates, on this site, we can finally see why the Suns might have crossed Harrison off their list:

When celebrating his 21st birthday, David (Harrison) was in the roof-top section of a bar named “The Foundry.” While standing with one of his female friends, a fan of his said, “Hey Harrison.” The incredibly smashed Harrison picked the man up by his shoulders and attempted to throw him off the balcony. I quickly approached and asked him what he was doing. He asked me, “Do you know this ****er?” speaking of his now trembling victim. I swiftly said “yes” and Harrison kindly put him down, but not before telling him, “You’re lucky.”

Once, outside of a bar, a girl mistook Harrison for a tree. She began to climb his 7 foot body (actually 6’10, but who's counting) and almost reached the top of the mountain. She began to lose grip and slip and Harrison, finally deciding that he did not like being clambered upon, took one step backwards, causing her to fall to the pavement. The sound of her hitting the concrete back first was loud and resonated throughout the 2 block radius, known affectionately in Boulder as “The Hill”. As she writhed in pain and attempted to get her ass off the ground, Harrison walked off and commented, “Bet she won’t do that again.”

David’s restraining order for the United Spirit Arena in Lubbock, Texas has recently been lifted. The restraining order was placed because an altercation in which Harrison was ejected from a game against Texas Tech and when he (finally) left the court and was in the locker room one of the bathroom stalls began “talking ****” to him, similar to that of the red newspaper dispenser. David demolished the stall and was ordered to pay for the fixing of it. He refused to pay for it because the officers and the administrators at the arena refused to give him the broken stall. His comment was, “Whenever I buy something, I get to take it home. If this stall needs to be replaced as you say, then I expect to be able to take it home with me, especially if I have to pay for it.”

While warming up for a game against the University of Texas in Austin, David was shooting at one of the baskets. This basket was directly in front of the Texas student section and a few students began to stroll in to get their seats. One of them recognized Harrison and began to taunt him. After two minutes of this, David picked up his basketball and started walking toward the kid, who was sitting 4 rows behind the basket. At this time, security guards had not yet been stationed for the game, so there was no one between Harrison and his taunting adversary. David calmly walked up to the fan and said, “Do you see any security guards around here?” The fan’s reply was a correct, “No”. Harrison then asked him, “Who would stop me from ending your miserable life right here and now?” After a stunned silence, the kid replied, “You’re a ****ing cornholio man,” and retreated up to the concourse. We never heard another sound from him even after the security guards arrived.

He once attacked a metal cart holding several cups of Gatorade. When he was separated from the cart he allowed himself to be restrained from the cart and then broke away from his holders to return to the cart and resume attacking it. For those who have seen the movie “Office Space”, this occurrence was similar to the scene where they are attacking the printer in the field and “Michael Bolton” has to be restrained by Samir and Peter.

He is a habitual “humper” of people, specifically men. Not only does he habitually hump people, he does it in the most public of situations, like glass elevators in hotels, hotel waiting areas, bars, and sidewalks. His favorite position is putting his victim’s feet over their head and asking them is “that’s how they like it” or “does it feel good”. Those who fall victim to him usually give up hope and allow him to have his way, as he usually attacks them from the back and allows no room to escape. To make matters worse, once he has finished, he cuddles with his prey and sings to them. Some of the many sufferers of this action include many college coaches, teammates, and friends.

During a visit to Taco Bell very early one morning in Boulder, David initiated an altercation with another vehicle by cutting them off and skipping them in the drive-thru window. He then encouraged and challenged current deadlyhippos writer, JT that he wouldn’t “slap the guy that we just cut off behind us.” Please take into consideration that the only characteristic that JT has consistently shown during my 6 years of knowing him is that when he is “dared” to do something, he ALWAYS obliges, especially when the action has a disrespectful tone to it. JT exited the vehicle and it was not 10 seconds before he was coming back toward our vehicle. He got in and he was followed a few seconds later by an enraged man carrying a knife, who apparently had just been slapped. David exited the vehicle and the man continued his incensed attitude and said to David, “I don’t have to take this **** man; that **** was uncalled for.” David meanwhile was staring at the man and just had this to say to him; “You are right, you shouldn’t have to take that, but what else can you do. I will give you two options, one, you can hand me the knife and get back in your car and drive away; this is the option I suggest you take. Two, I will take your knife and use it on you.” The man handed the knife to David and angrily returned to his vehicle.

Some time ago when suffering from a rather severe concussion, David was taken to the local hospital for further testing. As he was placed in the ambulance, he immediately wanted to leave and attempted to do so. His progress of leaving was temporarily impeded by his college coach. Harrison decided to “choke-out” the coach, while the ambulance workers rushed to save the coach’s life. I witnessed the ambulance rocking back and forth as if the Incredible Hulk was transforming inside the emergency vehicle.

The “dick dance” is something he enjoys doing. He will remove his clothes and allow his member to swing back and forth in front of a surprised victim or victims. The most notable occurrence of this was in college after practice. The coaches have a separate locker room door from the players and he knocked on the door and waited for the inhabitants to open. Once they did, he stood there naked, made eye contact with all of them, placed both his hands behind his head for dramatic effect, and began doing his famous dance.

I once mistakenly invited David to my church, Ebenezer Baptist, in Austin, Texas in the spring of 2002. Our church attempts to make visitors feel welcome and to help with this, along with attaining information on them, they ask that visitors fill out a card asking where they are from, their name, who they are visiting with, basically very easy information to correctly answer. Harrison decided that he would make a mockery of the church establishment. He answered his named to be Dr. David Harrison, Jr., Esq. When his name was read out-loud during the worship service, I remember thinking, “I’ll be damn, there’s someone else here named David Harrison.” As my friend started to stand to allow the church to acknowledge his presence, I held my face in embarrassment. He asked that he be called Dr. Harrison by the members of the church.

During a recent summer league basketball game, after a questionable call from an aspiring NBA official, he calmly asked the ref what he was doing after the league ended. The man voiced his question of why Harrison wanted to know. Harrison informed him that he was in need of someone to cut his grass and do some gardening at his residence in Indianapolis and after making calls like the one the he had just made, he would be in need of employment. Harrison was quickly whistled for a technical foul.

 

[elindholm]

Who writes this stuff?

Once, outside of a bar, a girl mistook Harrison for a tree.

Good thing a dog didn't do that instead.

 

[thegrahamcrackr]

I have heard the summer league one before.

 

[BigDavis75]

WTF is that? Seriously? It has to be a joke. A woman climbing him? Him doing the "dick dance" in front of his coaches and humping them? WTF!?

 

[Joe Mama]

He goes around "humping" people? What exactly is the author talking about? Surely he isn't raping people.

Joe Mama

 

[BigDavis75]

He goes around "humping" people? What exactly is the author talking about? Surely he isn't raping people.

Joe Mama

I knew there was another reason Reggie Miller called it quits.

 

[The Commish]

Sounds like a real winner.

 

[F-Dog]

Here's another David Harrison article, from the same site, by his brother DJ.

Warning: not safe for lunch...

http://www.deadlyhippos.com/columns/assgoiter.htm

 

[F-Dog]

He goes around "humping" people? What exactly is the author talking about? Surely he isn't raping people.

Joe Mama

I'm just guessing here, but I imagine that everybody's clothes stay in place. It still doesn't sound like a lot of fun, though.

 

[Treesquid PhD]

why do i have a feeling if he was a guard everyone would be oh yeah he probably did all that?

 

[scotsman13]

We should make a trade for this guy. come on guys we really need this guy. just think of the match up with him and Amare. think right now when amare is particing he ends up beating up on grant or kt. hey both of these guys are good people who are important to the team so amare has to hold back. now if we got david harrison we could let amare go wild in partice and just let him kick the **** out of him every day. heck we can let kt and grant join in the fun to. think how good it would be to get a living breathing punching bag for amare. it would help him so much. lets get david harrison if for now other reason then to let him do that dick dance to amare and watch what amare does to him.