PHOENIX--According to a report in Sunday’s Arizona Republic, pretty much every player in the NBA wants to be trade to the Phoenix Suns. The reasons ranged from the chance to play with Steve Nash to the chance to play in the Suns’ fast paced offensive attack to the chance to play in a warm weather city.
As of Sunday, the Suns had no plans to try and work out a trade for all of the league’s players.
“From what I’m hearing, there are several players who are interested in being traded to the Suns,” wrote Paul Coro of the Arizona Republic . “Kevin Garnett is a big name, but he’s not the biggest. Kobe Bryant wants to come here too. Paul Pierce has mentioned it to his agent, as well as Jermaine O’Neal, Pau Gasol, and Zach Randolph. In addition, every other player in the league has expressed their desire to be traded to the Suns. Will it happen? Probably not. The Suns are happy with the lineup they have. Plus, they don’t have enough cap space for everybody in the league.”
Though the Suns are still considered second fiddle to the San Antonio Spurs, their up-tempo style of play, led by creative, playmaking point guard Steve Nash, combined with their location in a popular warm weather city, make the Suns an ideal destination for everyone in the league.
“Obviously guys want to come here and play with Steve Nash,” said Coro. “The warm weather is a big help too. You can see why someone like Kevin Garnett would want to leave the bottomless pit that is Minnesota and come here, but you know what? He can take a number like everyone else. Saying you want to be traded to the Phoenix Suns is like saying you want to nail Carmen Electra: everyone wants to do it, but only a handful of tattoo enthusiasts gets the chance.”
While Garnett’s desire to be traded to Phoenix surprised no one, the fact that everyone else wants to be traded there did raise a few eyebrows. However, representatives for several big name players across the NBA have already downplayed the rumors, calling them “exaggerated.”
“Dwyane Wade is very happy to be with the Miami Heat,” said Wade’s agent, Henry Thomas. “He has not asked for a trade to the Phoenix Suns or anyone else. That being said, of course he’d like to play there. Everybody would like to play there. But you can’t always get what you want. Dwyane is perfectly content to retire with his second favorite team in the NBA, the Miami Heat, who are basically like an older, fatter, slower version of the Suns that play in a humid city full of homosexuals.”
Other agents and teams have also rushed to do damage control in light of the new trade rumors, including the Cleveland Cavaliers, who insist they have no interest in trading LeBron James, despite reports that he “has a hard on” for the Phoenix Suns.
“We’re not actively shopping LeBron to the Suns or anybody else,” said GM Danny Ferry. “I think that report was reckless and unfair. It was also misleading. It’s one thing for a player to desperately want to go to a certain team, and it’s another thing altogether for him to request a trade there. No trade has been requested, and no trade is going to be made. Remember: despite being an all-powerful overlord who could crush me in a moment’s notice, LeBron is still under contract, and, ridiculous as it may sound, the rules still apply to him.”
For the Suns, it’s heartening to know that every player in the NBA wants to play for them. However, their draft strategy remains the same: to try and move up to the top 10 and select Florida forward Joakim Noah, who, according to reports “really wants to play for the Phoenix Suns.”
“It’s just a testament to the organization that everybody wants to play here,” said Steve Kerr, newly appointed GM of the Suns. “But we’re not going to get all excited and start wheeling and dealing just for the sake of doing it. We’re going to stick with our plan, make a move or two, and try to get a higher draft pick. Whoever that may be, he’s very lucky. And whoever we end up trading, hey, look at the bright side: getting traded somewhere else will open up the possibility of you experiencing the orgasmic joy of being traded back here some day.”
According to league sources, the player most likely to be traded is Shawn Marion, who has already voiced his willingness to leave the Suns and go to some **** team in East Butt****, Iowa.
