Now, gentlemen, let me ask you this: What if Da Bears were all 14 inches tall, you know, about so high? Now, what's your score of today's game?
Carl Wollarski: Against Da Giants?
Bill Swerski: Yes, give 'em a handicap.
Carl Wollarski: Bears 18, Giants 10. And that would finally be a good game.
Pat Arnold: Yeah, it would be a good game. Mini Bears 24, Giants 14.
Todd O'Conner: What about Ditka? Would he be mini, too?
Bill Swerski: No, he would be full-grown.
Todd O'Conner: Oh, then, uh.. Mini Bears 31, Giants 7.
Carl Wollarski: Oh, hold on. Then I change mine, too. I thought it was Mini Ditka.
Bill Swerski: Okay, gentlemen, another scenario: Da Bears, they don't make it, the plane is delayed.. and the only one who shows up is Ditka. Ditka vs. Da Giants. Okay, score, gentlemen.
Pat Arnold: Alright, after da heart attack, I gotta say Ditka 17, Giants 14. He just barely gets by.
Bill Swerski: Alright, that sounds exciting. Perhaps, you know, a late Ditka field goal.
Todd O'Conner: Bears!
Superfans: Bears!!
[ Danny Sheridan enters round table discussion ]
Bill Swerski: Hey! As you fans know, sports celebrities like to frequent Ditka's. And oddsmaker Danny Sheridan has just sat down with us. Now, Danny.. what would the point spread be for a game like that? Ditka vs. Da Giants. Now, remember, it's only Ditka, not the regular Bears team.
Danny Sheridan: Okay. I'm gonna say the Giants by about.. [ thinking ] ..800.
Bill Swerski: Great, Danny. Now, are you from New York?
Carl Wollarski: He lives in New York, eh, Pat?
Bill Swerski: You like it there. You can stay there, as far as I'm concerned.
Danny Sheridan: No, it's just that.. it's one guy, you know-
Bill Swerski: Yeah, that's alright. Just take your crack pipe and go home! Get outta here, Danny!
