I hope all you snivelers can see how poorly your cowardice ages.
My cowardice is aged to perfection. I come from a long line of cowards and snivelers, who all are born with big yellow streaks running down our backs. My grandfather was a coward, who dressed like a woman for several years to avoid WWI. My father was a coward, who hid out in Alaska during WWII to avoid the service. I, like my brother, are cowards who avoided the war in Vietnam, I with student deferments, and my brother feinting mental defectiveness. My sons are cowards, having avoided every recent war pretending to be gay. (At least they said that they were pretending.) And my grandkids, just like their great great grandfather SissyBoyBart, are still to this day growing into real girly men, learning to run and hide from bullies, as well as never getting involved in other people's problems or skirmishes.
With that said, I am in no way in favor of firing our coach. I believe when the time comes and he comes face to face with true adversity, he will, as my family of sissies have always done, hold the Cardinal banner high before wimping out and submitting to the absurd.