Rick Telander
Moss, Vikes get down and potty
January 10, 2005
BY RICK TELANDER SUN-TIMES COLUMNIST
GREEN BAY, Wis. -- On a cold and fog-swept winter afternoon when Packers quarterback Brett Favre suddenly looked ready for the rocking chair, Vikings receiver Randy Moss looked ready for an X-rated funk-fest.
Moss had it all in the Vikings' 31-17 upset of the Pack.
The style -- four catches for a team-high 70 yards and two touchdowns.
The clothes -- a black, fringed Superman vest under his shoulder pads.
The hair -- a massive George Clinton-esque hay bale of an Afro that seemed to have a life of its own once released from the confines of its helmet.
And, of course, the attitude -- after his fourth-quarter, dagger-to-the-throat 34-yard score, Moss made a pantomime of pulling his pants down and apparently defecating a football for the pleasure of the stunned Lambeau Field crowd.
Word was, the celebration was deemed too unsettling to replay on Fox, the network broadcasting the game. And this is a channel that finds Paris Hilton, bad plastic surgery, shootings and bodily functions of all kinds suitable for the living room.
Moss, when you think about it, is a perfect candidate for his own Fox reality show.
Call it, "I Don't Give a Damn What Anybody Thinks,'' and envision the 6-4, 210-pound seventh-year man from Marshall going through a typical day being sullen, selfish, wildly talented, obnoxious and carefree.
Just last week, in the Vikings' 21-18 regular-season-ending loss to the Redskins, Moss left the field even as his teammates were lining up for the final play.
Media target
All week long the Minnesota media debated the worth of a superstar player who seems more immature and less team-oriented than a non-potty-trained 2-year-old.
But the Vikings never could have won without Moss.
Indeed, they had lost both their 2004 regular-season games against the Pack, by the same 34-31 score. And as a dome team, they are terrible in late-season outdoor games.
Thus, the dilemma.
"I don't even know what you're talking about,'' frazzled Vikings coach Mike Tice answered when asked his opinion of Moss' toilet behavior. (Oh, yes, Moss appeared to rub his backside on the goalpost after the initial pantomime.)
"You think I have one eye on the tunnel and one eye on him?''
Favre's four interceptions and sudden brittleness were the basic reason for the Packers' loss.
And the Vikings' usually porous defense held running back Ahman Green to 80 yards on 20 carries.
But the combination of big, elusive quarterback Daunte Culpepper and Moss was the straw that pierced the Packers' balloon.
Culpepper ran for 54 yards and completed 19 of 29 passes for 284 yards. He threw four touchdown passes and had no interceptions.
But it was the two scores to the controversial wideout that displayed a threat that no other team in the league has -- particularly now that the Eagles' Terrell Owens is out with a broken leg.
Moss' first touchdown catch, a 20-yarder that was beautifully underthrown in the right corner of the end zone so that the sticky-fingered Moss alone could reach back for it, came with only five minutes gone in the first quarter.
The Vikes were up 14-0, and the Packers were shellshocked.
The second score came late, when the Packers were hoping to rally. And it finished them.
So the Vikings remain troubled by Moss, who has had brushes with the law as well as belligerent and lackadaisical behavior spells, but they're nothing without him.
When Moss was injured with a bad hamstring this season, missing three full games and hobbling in two others, the Vikings went 2-3.
In this game, Moss ran a hook, then took off, raising his hand to indicate he was freelancing and open.
Culpepper hit him with that fourth-quarter dagger, and it's hard to think of another receiver who could have made the play so effortlessly. When Moss raises his hand, Culpepper said, "it means he's gonna run a go. He likes that. And he's deadly.''
Culpepper's opposite
As quality a professional as Culpepper is, Moss is his near-opposite.
"Great fortitude, great character,'' Tice said of Culpepper.
When asked about his receiver's bathroom antics, Culpepper said, "I didn't see it.'' He thought for a moment and added hopefully, "Maybe you didn't see it?''
Oh, but we did.
And here is Moss now, talking for once about his motivations and viewpoints.
First, he chewed out a Minneapolis sportswriter, saying, "I read your column, and I think you're full of s ---!''
Then he added, "I'm thinking of getting my own column next year. Maybe an obituary column.''
Really? you ask.
"Nah,'' he chuckles. "It'll be in the sports section.''
He says that his ridicule in the local papers last week was actually a good thing for his teammates.
"To be honest, we didn't hear much about the [upcoming Green Bay] game until the end of the week. It was all, 'Moss this' and 'Moss that.' Didn't hear anything about the Washington loss. All you heard about was Moss walking off the field. That's a relief, I guess.''
Whatever.
As he spoke, his unfettered Afro waved in the locker-room air like a trembling cumulus cloud.
"Hey, I can take it,'' he said of the criticism. "But if your wife and kids gotta wake up and look at this stuff? Me, personally, I can take it. But the family?''
He pulled on his T-shirt with Notorious B.I.G on it and put his silver chains on like a rap star. His celebration, he said, was "just for fun.''
Then he limped off to the bus.
For the record, Moss is not married.
And he will be fined.