How to be a GM by Rod Graves: 6 rules to live by.
Rule 1: Golf
A). join a nice country club and get set up with weekly lessons.
B). have standing tee time everyday at 10 am.
Rule 2: Dealing with the bothersome task of re-signing current players. Follow this basic mantra and you'll only have to work the first 2 weeks of March and then can call it a year:
First, give a lowball offer. Then franchise tag him. And finally the following year, drag your feet, perhaps offer another below market contract, wait until another team makes an offer, and at the last second counter offer with similar terms, and complain that you tried but (insert player name) chose to sign elsewhere.
Rule 3: The Free Agency game
A). You have to spend money somewhere. Why not randomly throw it at a player and hope they perform. Example below:
Considering the contracts the Cards gave to Porter and Bradley there is no excuse for the Cardinals not getting CC signed for several more years.
Feel free to substitute in the names of Travis LaBoy, Al Johnson, Orlando Huff, Terence Holt, Alan Faneca among others. A key hint: If you can sign a guy with a catchy nickname, like Pork Chop, do it. It makes it seem like you have really done your homework.
Rule 4: Make sure to register on the TGW.com (The Golf Warehouse) to stay informed of any last minutes sales and be able to keep up with the latest equipment changes.
Rule 5: The Draft:
A).
IMPORTANT: Do not, I repeat, DO NOT waste your time watching film on college prospects. Why watch film when you can always play an emergency nine?
Rule 6: Catchphrases:
A). Learn some key catchphrases like, keeping the powder dry, wait until June 1st cuts, and build the belly of the team(you could also use the words, core player, but not reccomended until you have received your 3rd promotion) and you will have your bosses convinced, in no time, that you're on top of things and the right person for the job.
Follow these simple 6 rules and you too can be continuously promoted until finally placed in charge of all football decisions regardless of the team's on field record, or your own past performance.