Thursday, December 23, 2004
Who's been bad, who's been good? Who's been bad, who's been good?
By Tim Legler
ESPN Insider
And you thought Stephen A. Smith got all the big interviews.
I just got off the phone with the big guy – and I don't mean Shaquille O'Neal. The big guy, Santa Claus himself. (I assume the North Pole is part of my roaming package).
I was trying to make sure he had received my kids' wish lists. I had no idea he was such a big basketball fan. Apparently, that satellite dish Mrs. Claus got him for his birthday has come in handy.
He has become quite the NBA fan. As we talked, it became apparent he had a few thoughts on what he has seen so far in the 2004-05 season.
TL: Santa, what got you started watching the NBA?
TL: I'm surprised, with all your responsibilities leading up to the big day, that you find the time to check out any NBA action. How do you manage that?
Santa: It's called delegating authority, Legs. I have my assistants working the malls. The elves take care of making all the toys, and Mrs. Claus handles all the office work. That leaves me plenty of time to see everyone in the NBA. I see them when they're sleeping. I know when they're awake. And, of course, I know who's been bad and good.
TL: With that in mind, how is that NBA "naughty" and "nice" list shaping up?
Santa: Well, the naughty list has been filling up lately. It's safe to say I won't be making any stops in Detroit or Indiana after that nonsense in Auburn Hills last month. But they aren't the only ones who will wake up with a bag of coal on Christmas.
TL: What about the situation with Vince Carter getting shipped out of Toronto? Is he on the "naughty" list as well?
Santa: Of course. I mean, what in the world is up with that guy? When coach Sam Mitchell tells you to go home and quit so he doesn't have to watch your lackluster effort, you have issues. Getting traded to New Jersey might be the best thing to happen for both the Raptors and Vinsanity. Personally, I hope he can return to that electrifying form we all loved a few years ago. The NBA could use another great team in the East.
TL: What about Kobe Bryant? Something tells me you may be more of a "Shaq" guy.
Santa: Well, we certainly share the same diet. Kobe might never get himself off the list after the year he had. I mean, the guy personally is responsible for the breakup of a team that won three championships together. Now, he has exactly what he wants – the opportunity to prove to the world he can lead the Lakers back to the promised land without the Diesel. Last I checked, L.A. was seventh in the West, and Shaq's new squad, the Miami Heat, were sitting atop the East.
TL: Santa, I know you have quite a busy night on Christmas Eve, but will you find time on Christmas Day to check out the big matchup between Shaq and Kobe?
Santa: Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss it for all the chocolate chip cookies in the world. In fact, I've re-arranged the delivery schedule so I hit Los Angeles last. I'll be courtside. I've already had a talk with Rudolph and the boys. They understand I'm going to put the pedal to the metal for the Staples Center after our last drop, so I can get there in time for tipoff.
Santa: Well, it looks like the Hornets and Hawks shouldn't be in a rush to get up Saturday. When you have fewer wins than the expansion Bobcats, your best bet is to look ahead to Easter for any treats.
TL: Ok, Santa, that takes care of the "naughty" list. What about the "nice" side?
Santa: Since Christmas is all about the giving spirit, at the top of the list has to be Steve Nash of the Phoenix Suns. The NBA's assist leader has given out more gifts to his teammates than anyone else in the league. A Western Conference doormat a year ago, the Suns own the league's best record and Nash is my early season MVP. Wait until he sees the home hair styling kit I'm leaving under his tree. He'll love it! He might even share it with his boy, Dirk Nowitzki down in Dallas. If not, I'm sure Kyle Korver from the 76ers could use it.
TL: What other teams have caught your eye?
Santa: I love the SuperSonics. Nate McMillan has to be the early favorite for coach of the year. He has Ray Allen, Rashard Lewis, and a cast of role players right on the Suns' heels. Of course, the Spurs are always on the good list. They win every year and do it with such humility. Tim Duncan is the only guy in the league that drinks more milk than I do! I also love what Shaq and Dwyane Wade are doing in Miami. I can definitely see me and the Mrs. spending a lot more time at our place in South Beach so we can check out the Heat this winter. Of course, Frosty won't be able to make the trip, but I'll need someone to stay behind and keep an eye on the little guys. They throw insane parties when we go on vacation. Last year, they loaded up Dancer and Prancer with egg nog and made a "Reindeer Gone Wild" video.
Santa: It's a nice story. C'mon, Legs, you played there. You know that a black cloud has hung over the MCI Center. Ernie Grunfeld and Eddie Jordan should be given a lot of credit for turning things around. Antawn Jamison, Gilbert Arenas, and Larry Hughes have formed perhaps the most potent scoring trio in the NBA. Time will tell if they can keep it up, but they will certainly enjoy a plentiful Christmas, at least.
TL: Rumor has it LeBron James would be your first alternate if any of the reindeer can't go on Christmas Eve. Any truth to that?
Santa: He and I have had a few conversations about filling in for Comet (plantar "hoofitis") or Dasher (strained right antler) if they can't perform. I mean, the guy can fly! It looks like my nine-deer rotation is going to make it, though. But speaking of LeBron, it is scary to me that he might be the best player in the entire NBA and he is only 19 years old. He has the Cavaliers atop a division that contains the world champion Detroit Pistons and the Indiana Pacers. Not bad for a young buck.
TL: Are there any special gifts you will be giving out Friday night?
Santa: There are a few I've come up with for some special guys. Carmelo Anthony is going to get an image-makeover kit to recover from the Olympics, the notorious DVD he appeared on, and a certain duffel bag that had three German Shepherds feeling no pain at the airport. Tracy McGrady, down in Texas, will get a cattle prod under his tree to use on Yao Ming occasionally. And, finally, LeBron is going to get a fake I.D. I mean, how embarrassing would it be if he leads the Cleveland Cavaliers to the NBA title and can't even legally drink the champagne flowing in the locker room?
TL: Thanks so much for the time, Santa. I know you must be super busy. Any last thoughts?
Santa: Yeah. I didn't have time to make that Barbie vacation resort your daughter wanted for Christmas. But I did knock out that tranquilizer pellet you wanted for Stephen A. Smith. Ho. Ho. Ho. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
Who's been bad, who's been good? Who's been bad, who's been good?
By Tim Legler
ESPN Insider
And you thought Stephen A. Smith got all the big interviews.
I just got off the phone with the big guy – and I don't mean Shaquille O'Neal. The big guy, Santa Claus himself. (I assume the North Pole is part of my roaming package).
I was trying to make sure he had received my kids' wish lists. I had no idea he was such a big basketball fan. Apparently, that satellite dish Mrs. Claus got him for his birthday has come in handy.
He has become quite the NBA fan. As we talked, it became apparent he had a few thoughts on what he has seen so far in the 2004-05 season.
TL: Santa, what got you started watching the NBA?
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[font=verdana, arial, geneva]Santa knows some people who know some people, so he gets good seats.[/font]Santa: Well, it really started with the elves and reindeer. The little guys are huge fans of Earl Boykins of the Denver Nuggets. At 5-foot-3, he has given a few of them hope that expansion might find its way to the North Pole. And the reindeer have always been big fans of the Milwaukee Bucks. Blitzen's dream is to be their mascot. TL: I'm surprised, with all your responsibilities leading up to the big day, that you find the time to check out any NBA action. How do you manage that?
Santa: It's called delegating authority, Legs. I have my assistants working the malls. The elves take care of making all the toys, and Mrs. Claus handles all the office work. That leaves me plenty of time to see everyone in the NBA. I see them when they're sleeping. I know when they're awake. And, of course, I know who's been bad and good.
TL: With that in mind, how is that NBA "naughty" and "nice" list shaping up?
Santa: Well, the naughty list has been filling up lately. It's safe to say I won't be making any stops in Detroit or Indiana after that nonsense in Auburn Hills last month. But they aren't the only ones who will wake up with a bag of coal on Christmas.
TL: What about the situation with Vince Carter getting shipped out of Toronto? Is he on the "naughty" list as well?
Santa: Of course. I mean, what in the world is up with that guy? When coach Sam Mitchell tells you to go home and quit so he doesn't have to watch your lackluster effort, you have issues. Getting traded to New Jersey might be the best thing to happen for both the Raptors and Vinsanity. Personally, I hope he can return to that electrifying form we all loved a few years ago. The NBA could use another great team in the East.
TL: What about Kobe Bryant? Something tells me you may be more of a "Shaq" guy.
Santa: Well, we certainly share the same diet. Kobe might never get himself off the list after the year he had. I mean, the guy personally is responsible for the breakup of a team that won three championships together. Now, he has exactly what he wants – the opportunity to prove to the world he can lead the Lakers back to the promised land without the Diesel. Last I checked, L.A. was seventh in the West, and Shaq's new squad, the Miami Heat, were sitting atop the East.
TL: Santa, I know you have quite a busy night on Christmas Eve, but will you find time on Christmas Day to check out the big matchup between Shaq and Kobe?
Santa: Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss it for all the chocolate chip cookies in the world. In fact, I've re-arranged the delivery schedule so I hit Los Angeles last. I'll be courtside. I've already had a talk with Rudolph and the boys. They understand I'm going to put the pedal to the metal for the Staples Center after our last drop, so I can get there in time for tipoff.
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[font=verdana, arial, geneva]For clashing with Mitchell (right), Carter can expect a lump of coal.[/font]TL: Anyone else in for a surprise when they wake up on Christmas? Santa: Well, it looks like the Hornets and Hawks shouldn't be in a rush to get up Saturday. When you have fewer wins than the expansion Bobcats, your best bet is to look ahead to Easter for any treats.
TL: Ok, Santa, that takes care of the "naughty" list. What about the "nice" side?
Santa: Since Christmas is all about the giving spirit, at the top of the list has to be Steve Nash of the Phoenix Suns. The NBA's assist leader has given out more gifts to his teammates than anyone else in the league. A Western Conference doormat a year ago, the Suns own the league's best record and Nash is my early season MVP. Wait until he sees the home hair styling kit I'm leaving under his tree. He'll love it! He might even share it with his boy, Dirk Nowitzki down in Dallas. If not, I'm sure Kyle Korver from the 76ers could use it.
TL: What other teams have caught your eye?
Santa: I love the SuperSonics. Nate McMillan has to be the early favorite for coach of the year. He has Ray Allen, Rashard Lewis, and a cast of role players right on the Suns' heels. Of course, the Spurs are always on the good list. They win every year and do it with such humility. Tim Duncan is the only guy in the league that drinks more milk than I do! I also love what Shaq and Dwyane Wade are doing in Miami. I can definitely see me and the Mrs. spending a lot more time at our place in South Beach so we can check out the Heat this winter. Of course, Frosty won't be able to make the trip, but I'll need someone to stay behind and keep an eye on the little guys. They throw insane parties when we go on vacation. Last year, they loaded up Dancer and Prancer with egg nog and made a "Reindeer Gone Wild" video.
You must be registered for see images
[font=verdana, arial, geneva]A Merry Christmas, for once, for the surprising Wizards.[/font]TL: How about those perennial losers the Washington Wizards making some noise down in D.C.? Santa: It's a nice story. C'mon, Legs, you played there. You know that a black cloud has hung over the MCI Center. Ernie Grunfeld and Eddie Jordan should be given a lot of credit for turning things around. Antawn Jamison, Gilbert Arenas, and Larry Hughes have formed perhaps the most potent scoring trio in the NBA. Time will tell if they can keep it up, but they will certainly enjoy a plentiful Christmas, at least.
TL: Rumor has it LeBron James would be your first alternate if any of the reindeer can't go on Christmas Eve. Any truth to that?
Santa: He and I have had a few conversations about filling in for Comet (plantar "hoofitis") or Dasher (strained right antler) if they can't perform. I mean, the guy can fly! It looks like my nine-deer rotation is going to make it, though. But speaking of LeBron, it is scary to me that he might be the best player in the entire NBA and he is only 19 years old. He has the Cavaliers atop a division that contains the world champion Detroit Pistons and the Indiana Pacers. Not bad for a young buck.
TL: Are there any special gifts you will be giving out Friday night?
Santa: There are a few I've come up with for some special guys. Carmelo Anthony is going to get an image-makeover kit to recover from the Olympics, the notorious DVD he appeared on, and a certain duffel bag that had three German Shepherds feeling no pain at the airport. Tracy McGrady, down in Texas, will get a cattle prod under his tree to use on Yao Ming occasionally. And, finally, LeBron is going to get a fake I.D. I mean, how embarrassing would it be if he leads the Cleveland Cavaliers to the NBA title and can't even legally drink the champagne flowing in the locker room?
TL: Thanks so much for the time, Santa. I know you must be super busy. Any last thoughts?
Santa: Yeah. I didn't have time to make that Barbie vacation resort your daughter wanted for Christmas. But I did knock out that tranquilizer pellet you wanted for Stephen A. Smith. Ho. Ho. Ho. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
