Binge drinking is “normal” for college age and 20-something year olds. Binge drinking 3-4 times per month as. 30 something or older is typically considered a problem, not “normal.” And that’s coming from someone who had an extremely robust social life through age 44 (pre kids and single). And when I say “robust” I mean a social life most would envy.
Really? "Binge drinking" is five beers. You really think it's a wild problem to be out 3-4 nights in a month and have five beers? That's a typical night out for anyone who doesn't have to come home for kids, in my opinion. Maybe I'm wildly off here and just surrounding myself with the wrong people, but even the most successful and responsible people I know will drink at least five drinks if they're "going out." Whether it be a friend's birthday, a work event, a BBQ... I just can't see this as a problem.
As Ouchie suggested, Binge-Drinking into your 30's and perhaps beyond, 3-4 times per month can easily be or quickly become a serious problem. A few questions:
- What is your/his performance like at work? Is it merely getting by? Or, are you/him falling short of where you would like to be/thought you would be, by this time in your life?
- What are your/his relationships like? Does your/his closest friendships center around alcohol? Or, can you/he be somewhere with people and deeply enjoy the experience of being together without any drinks?
- What are your/his relationships like with women? Can you/he only engage in deeper, more meaningful dialogue only if you/he have consumed alcohol? Have you/he been able to establish any long-term girlfriend relationships that might lead to a longer-term/lifelong relationship (marriage?)?
- What are you/him like when you're alone? Can you/he enjoy time alone without drinking?
Anyway, I think most would agree that frequent/regular binge drinking well past college is very problematic, no matter that it's done close to home, or, that Uber is always used...
-Performance
He's at the Director level at a high profile political analytics firm. I'm right below the Director level as the head of the Advertising team of a Fortune 500 company. We're both killing it. Unfortunately, part of what keeps my drinking up is actually work related pressure with vendor relationships. I'm expected to keep up these relationships, keep costs down, make friends with people, and all of that involves having them in town and "doing the Vegas thing." I'm probably going to move to a contract job outside of the industry because it's wearing on me.
Edit: I forgot to say - I'm far and beyond past where I ever thought I'd get in my career in my entire life, much less my early 30s. Even though I got a full ride to school and had a bunch of academic success, I pretty much figured out I'd cap out around $50k a year and maybe be some kind of assistant to the regional manager at a paper company or whatever. I always wanted to be a writer, but mom and dad said absolutely not, and now I work with marketing numbers and ad tech. Ironically, they used to try to kick me off the internet, because it was an absolute waste... and it's where I've made my name.
-Relationships
As far as friendships go, he and I can do things sober, I have completely sober friends, he has sober friends. It's hard to find things to do as a single male in your 30s that don't involve going to the bar, but I try to do things with friends that don't need alcohol. Yesterday I saw a movie with a buddy, tonight I'm going bowling. Because I'm a heavy drinker, I had a beer at the movie and we'll probably split a pitcher while bowling, but it's not like I'm sitting in a dive bar every night with the same group of people. I'm definitely the drinker of the group and will inject alcohol in when it might not be needed. Most of my buddies are supportive of me whether I'm drinking or not. My best friend? He also has a diverse set of friends and will gladly turn down alcohol to go kayaking or something.
-Women
Whoa, way to presume our sexuality!
Seriously though, he's been in two very long term cohabiting relationships, and he's functionally married to the girl he's with now, although they don't want to jump through most of the hoops to make it official, or have kids. Dude has a healthy, supportive life, and a dog.
I personally have my own relationship issues, but I don't think they're related to alcohol. My last relationship ended because she couldn't keep up with me, and I felt like she was dragging me down. She wanted to watch Netflix every night and go to bed, I wanted to keep stimulated and social. She loved me, I didn't love her. But in our relationship, I cut my drinking severely. I've never really been around successful relationships and even though I do just fine with women, I don't really like anything that restricts my autonomy, and don't think I want to be in something as serious as marriage.
-Alone
As far as I know, he doesn't have problems with drinking when alone. He's not alone much, since his girl works from home, though. He doesn't seem to have a problem with that. Like I had posted, maybe he has a beer or two after work, or they walk down the street for dinner and some drinks. Personally though, I do most of my heavy drinking at home. On an evening when I'm off at 5, I come home and drink 6-9 beers, and go to bed. I just got home, wrote this post, and I'm having a beer now. In two hours, I'll call an Uber to come pick me up so I don't have the option to drive, and go bowling.