Egomaniacs swallowing sports world
January 12, 2005
BY JAY MARIOTTI SUN-TIMES COLUMNIST
The day is coming when an athlete strips down to his jock, pulls out his boombox and gyrates like a Chippendale's dancer. Think not? Then you haven't been watching a silly trail of one-upmanship that began decades ago with an end-zone spike, passed through shuffles and dances and has escalated to bare breasts, middle fingers, a cell phone, a Sharpie, a desperate housewife and, now, a simulated mooner.
What bothers me isn't so much the concept of Randy Moss pretending to remove his pants, jogging to the goalpost, bending over and parading his skinny little butt to a crowd of bitter Cheeseheads. What bothers me is the mass commotion, the shock waves that continue to accompany every stunt we watch courtesy of Moss, Terrell Owens, Joe Horn, David Terrell, Chad Johnson and, of course, Janet Jackson's boob. After experiencing 9/11 and being introduced to a horror known as a tsunami, we should realize life isn't getting less complicated and, thus, shouldn't become swept up in this cheap choreography -- other than hoping the frivolity stops.
But all too often anymore, these stunts create a significantly louder buzz than the games themselves. It happened in Chicago when Dennis Rodman overshadowed, so foolishly, the grandeur of the Jordan era. And now it's happening in the NFL, where too many talented but creepy people spend too much time plotting egomaniacal sideshows that undermine the relevance of the competition. They do because they know they'll get a rise out of the American people and have everyone tittering on "Today'' and "Access Hollywood,'' not to mention postgame shows that feature retired players and coaches who don't understand what happened to the good old days when players respected the game.
I'm no fuddy-duddy. But I am concerned that sports is being swallowed up by the shlocky celebrations, and I'm even more concerned that the NFL is helpless in controlling the nonsense because it has painted itself into a legislative corner. The league is expected to fine Moss a mere $5,000 for the incident, which isn't enough to make him blink, much less curl a strand of his sta-puft, microwave-popped, Mod Squad, funkadelic hair. But how can Paul Tagliabue's people be more punitive when they fined John Lynch and Donovin Darius only $75,000 for recent improper hits, cheap shots that can jeopardize careers and lives? If the end-zone antics happened occasionally, you wouldn't have to issue any fines. But as long as there is ESPN, there will be showoffs trying to make "SportsCenter'' by striking back at the machine and trying to top the histrionics of Owens.
Randy was being Randy
That's what Moss was doing, no doubt. Remember, he'd been criticized heavily the previous week for walking out on his teammates with seconds left and the Minnesota Vikings about to lose in Washington. Pantomiming a full moon in Green Bay was his way of being Randy, his way of responding to Lambeau Field fans stunned by the loss and apparently surlier than usual.
Of all his episodes -- a $25,000 fine for squirting a game official with a water bottle, a $15,000 fine from the Vikings for verbally abusing team sponsors on a bus, bumping a traffic officer with his car in downtown Minneapolis -- this was the one that defined Moss. Not because it was particularly in poor taste, with no truth to reports that Moss was pretending to defecate a football, but because it symbolized his selfishness on a day when the Vikings and their embattled coach, Mike Tice, were enjoying some rare joy after a rough regular season. If professional athletes learned anything from the night when Indiana Artest and the Pacers of Doom engaged in fisticuffs with Detroit fans, it's to ignore what is happening in the stands. Moss was too immersed in himself to side with common sense.
It should be of no consequence whether Green Bay fans actually were mooning Moss, although I've seen enough guzzling Cheeseheads in my time to know a few were capable of some real full moons. The best way to respond, as Walter Payton once showed us, is to flip the ball to the ref and trot back to the sideline. If most athletes today are incapable of exuding class, the least they can do is honor their team by staying out of dumb situations. But the new badge of success is breaking through the media curtain and becoming a national topic.
That's what we should be upset about. I'm still trying to figure out why Fox's Joe Buck, who makes good money on those beer commercials that feature a Moss-like character named Leon, was so appalled by the act. I'm still trying to figure out why ESPN's Chris Berman and Tom Jackson could barely speak when addressing the story, just as I'm trying to figure out why ESPN -- the network of "Playmakers'' and bold creative thinking -- didn't air the Moss clip until Monday. What he did wasn't so bad that it couldn't be aired, but what should be mentioned is that every network and station is frazzled right now about the FCC and potential fines over decency issues.
Time to target the hypocrites
If nothing else, these bizarre stories at least separate hypocrites from the real thinkers. Indianapolis Colts coach Tony Dungy, you might recall, was incensed after the "Monday Night Football'' flap involving Owens and a towel-flinging Nicollette Sheridan. He thought the skit was inappropriate. Yet the same moralist found the Moss incident to be "kind of humorous.'' I understand one issue involved sex while the other is a prank, but Dungy's spectrum of taste is wide enough to arouse my suspicions about his true motives. "Anyone who has played in the NFC Central knows what that's about,'' he said. "What happens, when you leave the parking lot in Green Bay, there's kind of a tradition their fans have. They stand next to the fence as the buses go out and they moon the buses. Randy has had about six or seven years of those guys mooning him as he has left after a loss, and I think that was his way of saying, 'OK, you guys had your fun, here's a little shout back at you.' That's what that was all about.''
And here's what this is about: It's time for everyone to concentrate on football. Coach Dungy, figure out how to beat New England. Joe Buck, stick to play-by-play. And Randy Moss, please keep your pants on in Philadelphia.
Because I know what you're thinking.
January 12, 2005
BY JAY MARIOTTI SUN-TIMES COLUMNIST
The day is coming when an athlete strips down to his jock, pulls out his boombox and gyrates like a Chippendale's dancer. Think not? Then you haven't been watching a silly trail of one-upmanship that began decades ago with an end-zone spike, passed through shuffles and dances and has escalated to bare breasts, middle fingers, a cell phone, a Sharpie, a desperate housewife and, now, a simulated mooner.
What bothers me isn't so much the concept of Randy Moss pretending to remove his pants, jogging to the goalpost, bending over and parading his skinny little butt to a crowd of bitter Cheeseheads. What bothers me is the mass commotion, the shock waves that continue to accompany every stunt we watch courtesy of Moss, Terrell Owens, Joe Horn, David Terrell, Chad Johnson and, of course, Janet Jackson's boob. After experiencing 9/11 and being introduced to a horror known as a tsunami, we should realize life isn't getting less complicated and, thus, shouldn't become swept up in this cheap choreography -- other than hoping the frivolity stops.
But all too often anymore, these stunts create a significantly louder buzz than the games themselves. It happened in Chicago when Dennis Rodman overshadowed, so foolishly, the grandeur of the Jordan era. And now it's happening in the NFL, where too many talented but creepy people spend too much time plotting egomaniacal sideshows that undermine the relevance of the competition. They do because they know they'll get a rise out of the American people and have everyone tittering on "Today'' and "Access Hollywood,'' not to mention postgame shows that feature retired players and coaches who don't understand what happened to the good old days when players respected the game.
I'm no fuddy-duddy. But I am concerned that sports is being swallowed up by the shlocky celebrations, and I'm even more concerned that the NFL is helpless in controlling the nonsense because it has painted itself into a legislative corner. The league is expected to fine Moss a mere $5,000 for the incident, which isn't enough to make him blink, much less curl a strand of his sta-puft, microwave-popped, Mod Squad, funkadelic hair. But how can Paul Tagliabue's people be more punitive when they fined John Lynch and Donovin Darius only $75,000 for recent improper hits, cheap shots that can jeopardize careers and lives? If the end-zone antics happened occasionally, you wouldn't have to issue any fines. But as long as there is ESPN, there will be showoffs trying to make "SportsCenter'' by striking back at the machine and trying to top the histrionics of Owens.
Randy was being Randy
That's what Moss was doing, no doubt. Remember, he'd been criticized heavily the previous week for walking out on his teammates with seconds left and the Minnesota Vikings about to lose in Washington. Pantomiming a full moon in Green Bay was his way of being Randy, his way of responding to Lambeau Field fans stunned by the loss and apparently surlier than usual.
Of all his episodes -- a $25,000 fine for squirting a game official with a water bottle, a $15,000 fine from the Vikings for verbally abusing team sponsors on a bus, bumping a traffic officer with his car in downtown Minneapolis -- this was the one that defined Moss. Not because it was particularly in poor taste, with no truth to reports that Moss was pretending to defecate a football, but because it symbolized his selfishness on a day when the Vikings and their embattled coach, Mike Tice, were enjoying some rare joy after a rough regular season. If professional athletes learned anything from the night when Indiana Artest and the Pacers of Doom engaged in fisticuffs with Detroit fans, it's to ignore what is happening in the stands. Moss was too immersed in himself to side with common sense.
It should be of no consequence whether Green Bay fans actually were mooning Moss, although I've seen enough guzzling Cheeseheads in my time to know a few were capable of some real full moons. The best way to respond, as Walter Payton once showed us, is to flip the ball to the ref and trot back to the sideline. If most athletes today are incapable of exuding class, the least they can do is honor their team by staying out of dumb situations. But the new badge of success is breaking through the media curtain and becoming a national topic.
That's what we should be upset about. I'm still trying to figure out why Fox's Joe Buck, who makes good money on those beer commercials that feature a Moss-like character named Leon, was so appalled by the act. I'm still trying to figure out why ESPN's Chris Berman and Tom Jackson could barely speak when addressing the story, just as I'm trying to figure out why ESPN -- the network of "Playmakers'' and bold creative thinking -- didn't air the Moss clip until Monday. What he did wasn't so bad that it couldn't be aired, but what should be mentioned is that every network and station is frazzled right now about the FCC and potential fines over decency issues.
Time to target the hypocrites
If nothing else, these bizarre stories at least separate hypocrites from the real thinkers. Indianapolis Colts coach Tony Dungy, you might recall, was incensed after the "Monday Night Football'' flap involving Owens and a towel-flinging Nicollette Sheridan. He thought the skit was inappropriate. Yet the same moralist found the Moss incident to be "kind of humorous.'' I understand one issue involved sex while the other is a prank, but Dungy's spectrum of taste is wide enough to arouse my suspicions about his true motives. "Anyone who has played in the NFC Central knows what that's about,'' he said. "What happens, when you leave the parking lot in Green Bay, there's kind of a tradition their fans have. They stand next to the fence as the buses go out and they moon the buses. Randy has had about six or seven years of those guys mooning him as he has left after a loss, and I think that was his way of saying, 'OK, you guys had your fun, here's a little shout back at you.' That's what that was all about.''
And here's what this is about: It's time for everyone to concentrate on football. Coach Dungy, figure out how to beat New England. Joe Buck, stick to play-by-play. And Randy Moss, please keep your pants on in Philadelphia.
Because I know what you're thinking.
