Who's the better bad guy? Ben or Smoking Man?
Smoking Man column:
- Face like a catcher's mitt
- Made sure the Bills never won the Super Bowl
- Wrote short fiction based on his real life under a pseudonym and was told it was ludicrous; would have stopped running the world if he could only get his book published, which was really, really sad.
- Was involved in every key assisination of the 20th Century
- Was involved in every key cover-up -- except the botched Watergate -- of the 20th Century
- Always gets other people to do his dirty work
Ben's column:
- Apparently is the keeper of all the island's secret
- Best liar ever
- Voracious reader
- Can take a beating like a man
- Always has a plan
- Smiles with all the warmth of a New England winter
- Maintains a fresh spiky hair cut on an island with no known barber
- Always gets other people to do his dirty work
Like Homer said, Weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animal world. Except the weasel. And Ben is more weasel than wolverine. Smoking Man was a wolverine and you always could trust he was working for his own benefit and no one else's. Ben is more sly, and while he never had Smoking Man's power, he's much better at large group dynamics and Machiavellian control.